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How do I support my fiance when he wants to volunteer to deploy again?

My fiance is in the National Guard and he just got back from his first deployment at the end of the summer. We are struggling with money right now and he knows that if he deploys, we will not have to struggle so much. My only problem is that I gave birth to my daughter while he was on his last deployment and she is only 1o months old now. I just don't want her to forget him, and I don't want him to miss out on stuff with her. I don't know what to do.

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Asked by Mshellv1107 at 9:37 PM on Dec. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Unfortunately this is the life of a military wife. On the plus side though, with skype and facebook, I doubt that your daughter will forget who her daddy is. You just have to make sure you remind her everyday. We made video's before me or my hubby would deploy so our son could watch them everyday. Make video's of your hubby reading different books to her so she can watch them every day.

    Answer by usdragonflies at 9:42 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • It sounds like your dh is doing what he believes is best for his family. That's noble. You can record messages from him to her, hand pictures of them together in her room, and keep telling stories about him.

    Answer by bseastrand at 9:48 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • it is never and easy situation to be in. I think if this is what he wants to do then you need to support him the best way you can. I would talk to him about your concerns and be honest with him. If he still decides to go then just make sure you send lots of pictures. I know when my sisters DH was gone she gave her son a photo book with pictures of them all together. Also, he recorded himslef reading a book as well. So that way at night my sisters son could listen to a story being read by his father.

    Also, she is young enough that while she won't remember him, she also won't remember him being gone either.

    Good LucK!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:27 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • I would tell him how you feel. Is the financial thing his most compelling reason for wanting to go? I am a military wife and know that money can be hard sometimes because the military doesn't give you much. But, these are the most precious years and he cannot get them back. Even though he can get pictures and videos and phone calls, it doesn't make up for being there. It is one thing to be called to duty, and another to volunteer. Not to say it is not appreciated and noble, it certainly is. But, having also been an active duty member myself, one has to attempt to balance personal life and work when their is an opportunity to do so because those opportunities are not always there. Are you working full time right now? If not, it might be a good idea to try to do so. I know it can be hard with a baby but it would be better to work full time and have him there, than have him gone simply because of finances.

    Answer by 1bizzymommy at 1:04 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • You can't very well tell him he can't volunteer to go. He may end up resenting you. You just have to, sorry, suck it up and move on. It sucks being a military wife sometimes, it's a way of life. It's not a style that changes. You need to consider the reasons for him volunteering. Money, you said. Is that it?
    Either way, even though he's not active duty, he's military. This is military life. I won't have ANY say come spring/summer when mine HAS to go.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:09 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I would say tell him no because I read your other question about him taking to that woman after work for 3-4 hours and not coming home to you while you're sick. I personally wouldn't be able to trust him. Since it's the NG I would talk to him about you getting a PT job or him getting a second PT job instead of a deployment.

    Answer by Octobersmom at 3:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

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