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in standard rotating visitation.....

this year he had thanksgiving and i get Christmas. this is our first year doing this. i had to ask him today what his plan were about picking them up he implied that he was going to be here on Christmas evening....i told him NO u had thanks giving this year thats not fair christmas is mine this year. so he now wants to pick them up at 3 am the night after christmas (he lives out of state) so he can try to fly stand by with the kids. he said the best flight leaves at 6 am on december 26. i told him he is not picking them up on Christmas because that wasn't fair. but i am not too thrilled about getting a 3 and 6 year old up at 3 am to go to the airport. what should i do? i kinda feel like i am getting short changed because in order for them to even get up at 3 am they will have to go to bed very early on christmas night. im trying to be fair and reasonable....but i dont think it is ok for him to do what he is trying to do..opinions? experiences?


Asked by sweetestkitten at 10:30 PM on Dec. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • the key here is what is reasonable. It is not reasonable for him to get them Christmas night at 6pm. Neither is it reasonable to pick up a 3 and 6 yr old at 3AM. I would tell him He can pick them up anytime after 7 am. THAT is reasonable.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:52 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • My divorce decree doesn't state specific times, but that it's open for discussion.

    Simply tell him you're not getting the kids ready anytime before 7am. That is a reasonable time. Holidays are already crazy as it is, and he shouldn't try and force them to be too exhausted.

    Answer by Razelda at 10:36 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Do what you think is best- you don't always have to go by the agreement if you two can work something out on your own. If you don't have any plans I'd let him take them, but just do what works for you. But remember, if you're difficult with him he will more than likely be the same way with you when you want a favor from him.


    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:46 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • The 27th would be yours regardless...that morphs things a bit. You tell him "I am working towards a reasonable agreement on this. Either pick them up the 26th after 7 am and I give up my regular day...OR you can pick them up at 6 on the 27th."

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:18 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • If there is a general rule to follow as you say, I would go with that, especially as it is in your children's best interest. If you are following a general state rule for times and you are willing to work with him in your children's best interest (i.e. pick up at a decent time to allow them to rest) then it shouldn't be an issue. It sounds like it's a control thing he is trying to do, and it's not fair to your kids, especially as he doesn't have the flights booked already and is trying for stand by.

    Answer by 1bizzymommy at 11:53 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • It doesn't state in your court order what time visitations start/end?

    Answer by MrsMWF at 10:34 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • My husband and his exwife is noon the day after Christmas for exchange.

    Answer by aheuszel at 10:40 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • yes my state standard visitations states that he isnt supposed to get the kids untill 6pm on the 27th. i am trying to work with him. but 3pm the night after christmas is just not fair. no we dont have set times. but we are doing the general state visitation.

    Comment by sweetestkitten (original poster) at 10:42 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • aheuszel....i was thinking the same for mine....or atleast the next day and not the middle of the night. i dont want to fight with him or be difficult but that is just not appropriate for a 3 and 6 year old.

    Comment by sweetestkitten (original poster) at 10:43 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

  • Tell him you're following what it say's in writing. Then he can't come back and say you didn't follow what's written.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:02 PM on Dec. 21, 2010