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How much longer??

I have been dating a guy for a little over a year now. In the spring last year he started looking for a house and mentioned me and my daughter moving in with him. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable living together before we were married since I have my daughter to think about. (Her bio dad has never been in the picture so he's not an issue.) Since I'm such a push over I went ahead and gave in and we moved in together in June. He assured me that we would get married really soon and more than likely before the fall. After we moved in together anytime I would mention marriage he would completely ignore me or get mad because I brought it up again. I finally got him to talk to me about why he hasn't even proposed yet a few weeks ago and he says its because he doesn't have the money right now to buy me a ring I would be proud of. He was engaged before and gave the previous girl a $7000 ring. I assured him the ring didn't mean that much that I just wanted us to be married. He can be very spiteful at times so I hate to give him a time limit, but I don't want to waste my time either. A few months ago I had decided that I would give him until Christmas to propose then I would move out. Now, its almost Christmas and I'm not expecting a ring. If I don't get a ring soon do you think I should start making plans to move out? I don't want to break up with him, but I don't want to keep letting him have his cake and eat it too if that is what is hindering him from taking the next step. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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brittcw87

Asked by brittcw87 at 12:34 AM on Dec. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (107 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I agree that if u don't put ur foot down he may never propose, let him know that marriage is important to you and that u don't want ur daughter to think that living together is the way to go....I believe the saying why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free, also if u leave he'll know that u don't necessarily need him that u are quite capable to take care of u and ur daughter, then he will see u aren't with him so he can take care of u, then if he really loves u I believe he will propose if not then maybe it isn't meant to be...I also agree it isn't the ring a ring is just a symbolization its what it represents that's important...Good Luck
    StressedOut107

    Answer by StressedOut107 at 12:42 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Remind him you can always upgrade later. Tell him that the marriage is more important than the ring. You can just get a band for now. He may genuinely be telling the truth. Or he could be stalling. What does your gut say? Often, that gut instinct is spot on. You might want to have a calm sit-down discussion about expectations and be totally honest with each other about what you truly want. I hope thugs work out for you! Good luck!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:43 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Thanks. I know he definitely loves and cares about both of us very much so hopefully he won't keep me waiting much longer. I think he may have some hang ups because of the last relationship he was in. She called of the engagement very suddenly and he was hurt really bad from that. I agree that I probably should put my foot down pretty soon though.
    brittcw87

    Comment by brittcw87 (original poster) at 12:51 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • You told him what you wanted out of the relationship before you moved in together. He told you you'd have it. Now he's being an ass, for whatever reason. You have told him that the ring isn't what's important to you, but he still is dragging his feet. If he doesn't surprise you on Christmas, take care of yourself and your daughter. The two of you come first. You shouldn't have to keep waiting. He got you to move in with him. You should have what you want. If he can't give you that, when he already told you he would, then, make your plans. You deserve to have what you want!
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:53 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I agree. Its not fair that the whole situation is in his hands. I'm trying my hardest not to be pushy or nag him about it. I know a few girls who have actually bought their own engagement rings because they couldn't wait any longer. I'm not that desperate, but I am very frustrated and anxious.
    brittcw87

    Comment by brittcw87 (original poster) at 12:58 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Propose to him if u care so much
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 1:08 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • You are right to give him a time limit. Since you have, you need to stick with your decision. Don't waiver or he'll always have the upperhand. If he can't discuss your feelings without getting mad, you need to re-assess your relationship. Do you really want to be with someone you can't communicate with? I didn't really want to get married; I was content to be living with my husband. But for his mother's sake and for the sake of future children, I gave in and compromised. He wanted a big wedding; I wanted no wedding, just to go to City Hall and make it legal. We ended up having a small wedding, about 35 people. Thirty-one years later I do not feel any differently about marriage; I have four grown children. Two opted to get married, two are still single. My point is, if he does or doesn't commit to marriage in your time frame, it's time to move on.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:30 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • since you let him talk you into moving in he really has no reason to get married...he has you where he wants you. Are you sure he really wants to get married?
    karensue65

    Answer by karensue65 at 8:50 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I think he really does want to get married, he's just not in any hurry to do it now and that's partly my fault. The last time we talked about it it came up because I finally just broke down. I was having anxiety attacks about it because it was bothering me so much and I was getting so much pressure from my family to get married. I told him if we couldn't communicate any better than we had been then this relationship would never work. He assured me that his reasoning for not being married or engaged yet was not b/c he didn't want to. He said he wanted to be married and spend the rest of his life with me and my daughter more than anything in the world. He keeps claiming its the money issue...I don't know. I really do love him and he is amazing to me and my daughter so I want this to work really bad. I'm just ready to make it right.
    brittcw87

    Comment by brittcw87 (original poster) at 9:44 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Get off the marriage trip, if he has not asked then why push it. Live together and be happy. Good luck.
    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 10:50 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

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