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relationship advice from moms please!

Me and my BF have been together for 2 1/2 years and have a beautiful 19 month old daughter. He is 19 I'm 21. I was 19 when I had my daughter. We both stepped up, it took him a little while to grow up though. Right now we are just getting okay. (This is the longest we've gone w/o breaking up & getting back together). From the outside the relationship looks wonderful, we seem like a happy loving family. But, its all a facade. I am having many personal doubts about my partner & I really don't think I want or am to be with him forever. The hardest part is I am my BFs rock, me and my daughter are all he has. His family just started becoming a part of his life. So with all these factors, I think I've just simply fallen out of love, we just aren't compatible. But he is still in love with me, very much. However, He is very controling and clingy and I honestly hate it. I just want to be single and alone for a while. Go back to school and take care of my daughter the best I can. But, I also want what's best for our daughter, so this is why we stay together, I feel obligated. But that shouldn't be why, right? Having very difficult time with this. Please some insight and opinions! Am I being selfish? Should I just continue pretending? Or follow my heart? And if so, how should I go about it? Help! Thank you so much.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Dec. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Follow your heart! I married my daughters father when I was 19, I shouldn't have, but I felt obligated. We divorced a few years later and because we were both in the military stationed in different places, we never lived together and I simply felt that I needed to move on. My x is one of my best friends now and I wouldn't have it any other way, he loves me still, and loves his daughter, we just didn't work well together as a couple. Don't feel obligated to be with him, do what you feel is best for you and your daughter.
    gumby11883

    Answer by gumby11883 at 11:20 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I am telling you kudos for doing the right thing but you have to do the right thing for yourself as well. Controling people are hard to live with and after a while you start to lose your own thoughts go back to school and do what you have to for yourself and child. Love is not controling but it is kind. You have to do whats best for your daughter by doing what is best for yourself. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:20 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Sounds like HE needs YOU. Controlling and clingy are first signs of an abuser. Get out while you can. Be as honest as you can while telling him you don't love him but be ready for the tears and pleading. Be strong. Do you have family you can stay with until you are on your feet financially? Do NOT stay with him for the baby's sake. You will just be miserable and possibly in danger later on.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:22 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • You can't pretend to love someone and keep everyone happy. You should be honest with him about what your feeling and see what you guys can come up with. Most people wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them, so maybe you two can remain friends and raise your daughter together but not be together. Just be honest.

    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 11:23 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Exactly hunny, your young and need to listen to your intuition it's telling you it's not working. I mean you know in your heart that you love him for being in your life, and having your daughter together. But, your both so young, and need to think about your daughter and what is healthy for her. Follow your heart, and keep your dreams and goals and he'll be okay. He's always going to be in your life, that's what having children is all about. But, you don't have to be together to raise a child.
    logankaysmomi

    Answer by logankaysmomi at 11:44 AM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • your so young and i think if you step back from the situation you will see you have a very wonderful life. a man that loves you and healthy baby and u have the world at your fingertips. i think going back to college would be good for you -- to branch out your mind and learn new things. i think your BF may be smothering you but that can be changed if u just talk to him about it
    mistik75

    Answer by mistik75 at 12:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • well iknow it is going to be hard cause you care about the father of your daughter but yes you should follow your heart & do what is best for you & your child & work on being the best mom you can be for your babygirl but if you have dreams & goals go for it think positive & have alot of faith in yourself goodluck mama i hope it all works out for you sweetie
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 12:09 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I would talk about it with him and get on the same page. I am sure he doesn't want you to be unhappy. You will find common ground with your daughter later in life, if that is what you decide to do.  A little one will not understand what you are going through, so you will be the bad guy for a while.  I hope you can find that healthy loving relationship with him again.  Don't give up on him yet.  Have faith in eachother through the good and bad, then make a decision.  It is a hard life to be without a dad.  Do you really want to subject your daughter to other men?  I wouldn't.

    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 1:21 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I appreciate everyones thoughtful comments & insights :) I just joined this site today mainly for help because of this situation. If anyone would be willing to talk further I would greatly appreciate it. This has been an ongoing issue for quite some time & could definitely use the support if & when I decide to go seperate ways.







    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:41 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

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