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this is kinda heavy....my husband isnt the bilogical father of our youngest child adult content

So. My husband and I of 9 years have three children. After the girls were born, we waited quite a while before trying for our son. When the time was right, we started the whole routine, taking temperatures, plotting dates on the calendar. Year went by, and nothing. Then something I never expected happened. I ran into an old flame. Someone I'd loved always, but just could never seem to be with. We had drinks, and one thing led to another. I felt awful about it. I'd never cheated on my husband before. Long story short, since I was at least a week or more out from my predicted ovulation when I slept with the other man, when I turned up pregnant four weeks later, I assumed it was my husbands baby. I carried much guilt, and was a bit suspicious, but my husband was jubilant and so were our daughters. I put it out of my mind. When our son was born, he looked just like my husband, I was relieved! But as the years went by, and his features started changing, he started reminding me of someone else. Should I devastate our family by telling the truth? Or let sleeping dogs lie?

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confusedwreck

Asked by confusedwreck at 1:56 PM on Dec. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Wow, I don't think this will sit well with anyone. But I think your DH and your son should know the truth. You can purchase a DNA test at CVS.

    Good Luck
    christinato

    Answer by christinato at 1:58 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Wow. Honestly, I think only you can make that decision. Of course the right/moral thing to do would be to tell him the truth. But, you would "ruin" a lot of lives by admitting something like that. As hurtful as it is, sometimes, it's best to just make people happy. Afterall, you aren't 100% sure it's not his. Good luck with whatever you decide.
    jessicarae787

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 2:01 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • Or if you need to know, do a DNA test without his knowledge. I don't condone lying to your husband, but if you find out the truth, it may help you in making your decision. You don't want to put everyone through all that and then find out it really is his.
    jessicarae787

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 2:02 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • let that dog sleep
    Luckybear05

    Answer by Luckybear05 at 2:06 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I forgot to add yes, I did a dna test, with my husbands toothbrush . Its not his child. The bilogical father is very absent. Wants nothing to do with it. I run the risk of ruining my sons family, to leave him with no father...or his siblings, that he loves and adores as much as they do him...to continue as I am, never breath a word...but live a lie. I do believe that honesty is the best policy...but I've never had to tell such a world crushing truth. Not only to the husband, but to the children.
    confusedwreck

    Comment by confusedwreck (original poster) at 2:13 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • You will have to tell the truth sooner or later. I'm not sure what to say. If you let things be as they are, and you wait until everyone is older, or even on your death bed, that will leave an angry group of people behind. If you wait until the holidays are over, and then tell him, then you risk of tearing the family apart. My guts says you need to tell your DH as soon as you can, but wait until your son is old enough to know the truth. No matter what, you are going to have some angry family members. Good luck, with what ever happens.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • that's a hard thing to answer. i think i wouldn't say anything, but i would be worried that (god forbid) anything would happen to my child where he would need a blood transfusion or something and to have the father find out that way, that's horrible. its a damn if you do and damn if you dont' kinda thing. damned if you do, you run the risk of ruining your marriage and damned if you don't- that if it ever comes out that he isn't the father how hurt will your husband be knowing the son you had isn't his after all those years. good luck
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:03 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • How do you feel? It must be really hard for you to see both and know the truth. If you think you need to let the truth out then you have to do what is best for you. Be prepared for everything, your hubby might not want to have anything to do with you or he might be willing to work it out. Like the previous post, wait until the holidays are over and just tell your hubby and then go from there. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. Hugs
    bratgirln1

    Answer by bratgirln1 at 3:51 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I really have no advice but hope you find in your heart what is right for you. The only thing that runs through my mind is if you decide to tell him you might have a mediator of some sort for support. A third party who can be there for both of you and help soften the blow. IDK......just ideas...........
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:01 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

  • i agree with the other ladies on 1 hand i would let sleeping dogs lie and the other i would tell him but after the holidays what everu decide good luck.....if u wanna talk pm me i was in the same boat as u.. and let me tell you neither way is an easy way
    mymommasgirl

    Answer by mymommasgirl at 7:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2010

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