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At a loss for what to do!

my daughter came home from school the other day and told me that a friend of hers was "fingered" by a boy in her class. My first reaction was utter disgust. How do I deal with this??? I don't know where to start! (by the way my daughter's 11)

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (6)
  • First off I suggest you ask for a clear definition of "fingered" . What it means to us may not be what it means to an adolescent. (hopefully) If it does mean the same thing to her as to us then ask her if the boy did it with or without permission. That is two separate issues. Was the girl forced or not? If not, ask your daughter how she feels about a friend allowing her body to be used like that for someone else's pleasure. I'd talk about self esteem and about how we are not put on earth just for the pleasure of others. I'd talk about how we shouldn't allow others to use us in any way much less a sexual manner. Then I'd probably pass out! LOL OMG what kids deal with now is just scaryl

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:24 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I'd also like to add that kids don't think a lot of that stuff is considered sex. Many don't realize that even oral sex is sex. Dr.Phil had a great tape on this...his son interviewed kids this age .... they were having and/or knew of kids giving/receiving oral sex in the boy even in the auditorium...but mostly stairwells. They don't consider it sex and I think that that is an important point.

    Answer by nkasmom at 5:47 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Ask your DD for a clear image of what she thinks "fingered" is and if it is what you think then CALL THE SCHOOL!!!! Call the police if necessary. Why were the kids left alone without supervision to have something like that happen? If this happened to YOUR DD wouldnt you want some other mother to let you know?

    Answer by vbruno at 6:26 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • That scares the heck out of me. I heard last year the the JUNIOR HIGH kids here in town were caught in bathrooms giving oral sex to others!!! JUNIOR HIGH!!!!! I wanted to die and worry that DS in in that school. Good thing though he has an aide that is with him all the time so hopefully I wont have to worry about that!!!! But honestly I remember being that young and exploring, never that deeply, but still exploring. I cringe when I think of what I did when I was younger and hopefully my kids wont do the same!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • There were four nine yr olds preg.In our home town last yr.Its never to early to talk about things with our children.If we dont who will.I would call the principle of the school an tell them what was said.That you dont want them to tell your daughters name.BUT I am sure she will want to no.

    Answer by fearful5 at 6:05 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • time for the sex talk. thats scary.

    Answer by melody77 at 6:36 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

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