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Unhappy...normal? I'm at a loss...

My husband and I have been married almost a year and a half now, and we have a four month old daugther. Generally speaking, everything is great, but ever since we had our daughter, things have definitely seemed on the rocks sometimes between us. I don't by any means want to get divorced...I love my husband more then anything...he and our daughter are my world....but I feel so unhappy with our relationship right at the moment. I feel as though I'm giving everything I've got and he still doesn't appreciate it and that no matter what, I just can't do enough. Is it normal to go through a period like this? Is there something else, outside of our home, that could be causing my husbands own unhappiness or rage (that sometimes comes out directed at me)? Would appreciate any useful info. or help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Everything always changes when you have kids. The most important thing to do is to find time to spend with eachother. If you have family to watch your daughter you need to take avantage of that. You need to go have fun with your husband show him how much you love him. Do something naughty for him like dress up! If you don't take the time to spend with eachother then your relationship will go down hill.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • It is def normal. However if you really feel that you're making an effor and he isnt then you need to talk about it. Communication is the ONLY way to work out an issue. Like anon 5;51 said you have to have alone time. You need to work on the relationship you had before baby. Its hard and tiring but it has to be done to get anywhere. Fathers feel the stress of being a new parent too and maybe he is just realizing everything has changed and he may just need to adjust. Def talk about it and make sure hes putting in as much as you're giving. GL :)
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 6:09 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Your hubby is probably a bit freaked about the financial costs of a baby. The lack of privacy, and free time can also be a factor. All couples go through a period of adjustment after having a baby. Try talking to him and tell him how you feel and discuss your concerns together. You dont have to fight about it. Your both adults and can discuss things in an adult manner. Tell him how you feel and discuss your concerns.


    http://www.cafemom.com/group/48748

    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 6:10 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • unfortunelty, yes it is normal. Me and my husband read a book called "the five love languages". To me it sounds like your not speaking a language that the other understands. My husband feels love through physical touch...but I get annoyed being pawed at all the time. Me feel loved when he helps me clean the house, but to him its just not a big deal. Both of us were pretty unhappy, but now taht I'm loving him in a way that speaks to him and him to me, things have drasticly changed. Even if you read the book by yourself, I'm sure that you will gain something from it. Also another really good book is called "love and respect". That one really helped save our marriage a while ago when things hit rock bottom.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 6:38 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • You've got a double whammy. The first couple of years of marriage are tough enough, plus you've got a new baby. Both are major adjustments in your life and you a probably just feeling the stress. Hang in there. Things will get better.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 7:18 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

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