Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

will you stay in a abusive relationship?

my husband sometime get really mad at me and we end up hurting each other verbally and he sometime raise his hand like if i was a little girl. I am very scared to tell someone because I don't what to live him. I just wont him to stop raising his hand on me.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:44 PM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • this happens like twice a month. He does say sorry every time bust I just stop believing in it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I got out of a phsyically and verbally abusive relationship a few years ago. We were engaged to be married but as soon as I moved in with him, everything changed. It started out with words....then got physical....and in the end he pushed me down a flight or stairs. That was the end. I left as soon as I could gather up some things and my car keys. When I looked back on our relationship, I noticed or remembered things that he did when we first met that should have clued me in to his behavior. All in all...it wasn't easy to leave, I loved the guy after all, but I thank myself every day for not letting it go on any longer. Abuse is not okay. Period.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I'm assuming that your saying he hasn't yet hit you? I'll say that first off, it sounds like he was raised in an abusive home were that action is familar to him. Second two wrongs don't make a right. He gets mad and says horrible things to you, and you say horrible things to him. Your both fueling the fire. One of you needs to stop this cycle. Second if you think that he would hit you, then you need to get out till he gets help. Seperation does not mean that you have to get a divorce. But something has to change. Your not only enabling his anger issues, but your fueling them by participating in them. Somone needs to stop and become the cool head so that the realy issues can be resolved. Also, if you have not said this yet, you need to tell him that he is NOT to raise his hand to you again, or you will leave till he has resolved his issues. And mean it.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 5:54 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • It sounds like it's just a matter of time until his hand comes down....on you! Please think twice about staying with him. Life is short...we all deserve to be happy and NO one should ever lay a hand on you. No ONE!!
    nkasmom

    Answer by nkasmom at 5:54 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • cont... Also, getting help for deep rooted issues like abuse and anger do not resolve with promises of "I won't do it again", or even after a few months worth of counceling. Expect it to at least take several months, if not a few years. I do know men who have overcomed these issues and have become very peacfull and well controlled men. But the men that I've known to do this were the ones who had wives cheering them on and supporting them through the change, even though several were from a safe distance. This issue will not be changed or resolved with a promise. He needs to fix whats broken deep inside.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 5:58 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • He would only have to raise his hand one time and i would be gone. My husband was verbally abusive when he was drinking but never not one time did he ever raise a hand to me. You should never allow anyone to disrespect you that way especially someone who promised to take care of you and love you for the rest of your life. If i were you id find someplace to go and i would leave for a while. be strong about it and tell him his actions are no longer acceptable to you and tell him he needs help. If he gets counseling great, if not your beter off without him befor he does hurt you. Love can only take so much
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 6:12 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • You have to stop the verbal abuse, BOTH of you. Just don't do it. If he pushes your buttons, walk away. You have to try to turn this around before it gets physical. It's already an unhealthy and abusive relationship. Talk to him about this. If you really want to work this out with him you both have to be on the same page and put in the effort. You've got work to do.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 7:08 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • funny i just got in cafemom after so many years . sad to say he end up doing a lot more that i post here many years ago. all in all I just ended these marriage 4 month ago. I could not take the emotional battle anymore and walk out. It toke me 9 years to realize that i desorve alot more and to be happy. he did change but I could not past the fact that if he love me he should have never done the things he did. 

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:56 PM on Apr. 9, 2017

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.