Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help! If a friend of your child..

told you that she was sexually abused as a child, like for a few years. But then was desperate for you not to tell anyone what would you do? Please help.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • I would tell. Breaking her trust is worth it if it gets her out of that situation. I would rather a kid hate me for a little while than let them be hurt. In the end she will know that you did the right thing.
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 6:04 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Did she tell you who abused her?
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 7:19 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I would tell its better to save whatsleft of her childhood than to have her "trust you" and she will get over the betrayal
    elananme

    Answer by elananme at 7:21 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • i would tell,this child is seeking help from you and she doesnt realise it,my daughter of 4years has been sexually abused and i only got told from her on friday nite,these kids will loose there souls and identity if they are not helped,its a cry for help,yes she came to you in trust and she will not like you,but in saying that you will have saved this girls life.i would call them now,rite now
    cruizymum

    Answer by cruizymum at 3:54 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • who do you tell? She needs help obviously. I am not a big fan of child protective services. I would talk to her further and try to see why she hasn't told her mother. If it is a relative maybe her mother knows. If she doesn't you could help her to tell her mother who is in the best position to not only make sure it stops but get her the counseling help she needs. Talk to the child and tell her you have to tell to get her help. That if your daughter confided this to someone else's mother you would want them to tell you, or someone who will help. Maybe telling her you are required to tell and will help her she will open up to you more first to give you a better idea where to go for help. I think if you get her to accept it she will be more cooperative with the process rather than just clam up and deny it after it is reported, getting her nowhere. Please update on how this works out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Maybe involving a school counselor in case it is someone that her mother is protecting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would not tell, I would talk to her more and see if you can get her to open up to you more. See if you can get her to talk to her mother or to tell you who the person was that abused her.

    If she still won't tell you then I would talk to her about how you need to tell someone and that you are just looking out for her best interest. If you tell someone right away without talking to her then she may end up denying everything and she will never trust you again. You want her to be able to trust you so she will continue to talk to you. It sounds like she really does trust you and you do not want to break that trust now.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:44 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • That depends. Is she still being abused? If she is, then absolutley tell someone. If it is one of her parents, tell the other parent or go to the authorities. But absolutley get her out of that situation. If she is not being abused any longer, then I'd probably not break her trust. But I'd continue talking to her and doing everything I could to try to get her to talk to a counselor.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 12:26 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I second what cornflakegirl3 said. Good luck!!
    Also, something to think about..... if it comes out later and she tells someone you knew that would not be good. Not sure, but could you possibly get into legal trouble? ??? Something to look into.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Knowing about something like that and not reporting it is just as bad as doing it yourself. She told you not to tell anyone because she's afraid of what may happen to her if someone finds out, but by her telling you in the first place, it means that she wants help, but she doesn't know where to go. She's looking for someone to help her, and she reached out to you. Children who go through traumatic experiences like that sometimes end up with sexual addictions and end up on the street selling their bodies at 16 or 17 or serious mental problems where they do it to their children and continue the cycle. If it can stop soon enough, she may be able to get helped, but now that you know, it's up to you to save her from her possible future.
    not-so-des-hw

    Answer by not-so-des-hw at 5:21 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN