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am I crazy? how do I deal with this?

ok first off i already know my family is crazy but i dont have the heart to stand up to them.

My son is 14m and the light if my life, he's a major handful (ie. tempertantroms/biting/hitting) because I havent been able to raise him the way I would have chosen (ie. sleeptrain/disipline) because my grandma is the only reliable babysitter I have, she requires him raised the way she wants (we live with them), and my dh is ether at work or asleep (12+hrs a day) so I'm always on my own, because our marriage is on the rocks I am not allowed to even leave the house without my dh or grandma, I like to go to clubs and act my age every now and then with my girlfriends (maybe 1 a month) but I am only allowed to go once every 4-6m and then my dh has such a fit we leave early and fight all night, and if i even dare ask if I can go out I get bashed for "being a bad mother/being selfish" . I've lived on my own since i was 17 and now I'm actually caged in. I never had any legal/drug/drinking problems. anyone have any thoughts? sugestions? anything? I feel like maybe I am crazy sometimes? how can I deal with this?

and no I cant just leave, my dh wont leave and every lawyer I talk to says if i took my son and left anyway it would cause serious problems. And I will NEVER leave my son!

 
thesouthernmom

Asked by thesouthernmom at 3:25 AM on Dec. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (968 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You are getting abused by the both of them more your DH then anything and I don't know where you found these lawyers but you need to take your son and go to the closest battered womens shelter and talk with someone for real. Your DH and grandmother are insane and that is abuse stand up and get your child and walk out that door and do what is in the best interest of your child and don't look back sweetie your son didn't ask for this and you didn't either but you need to rememer you have choises and your own person.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:49 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I would compromise with dh if that is who is keeping you from doing what you want.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 3:31 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • sorry to say it, but you need to grow up! youre a grown adult. i had my son at 23, lived with my mother, who is alot like your grandmother, and i told her one day that he came out of my crotch, not hers, if she doesn't like the way i mother, tough shit! you do have options. you can leave. lawyers are idiots! you can do whatever you want to. why are you letting these two morons tell you what you can do?
    im sorry, im not trying to be mean, or rude, but it is your life, and your son. if you don't do something about it now, you will be miserable, and so will your son. i was, and still am, having behavioral problems with my son, now 5, b/c of my mother and her "raising" children skills......so please for your sons sake, get out now!
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 8:01 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • So you cant leave because a lawyer said so? get a job save ur money get a place and tell him you can take me to court and we will have joint custody there isnt anyone can say if your answer is u cant leave. when in all honesty your not happy so leave him your young and not tryn to be stuck at home :) but if you love him than try and sit down with him and explain what you feel hun :)
    premiemom18

    Answer by premiemom18 at 4:59 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • My advice is to be patient, get a job & save money. Truth is, when you have a kid, you won't be going out much. I think my child was about 3 years old before i ever went out dancing with friends. You just have to accept that when you give birth. If you get the oppurtunity & all is well, take advantage of it. But, don't get in fights with your SO about goin out, it's not worth it. Just stay home if that always happens when you go out.

    You're going to have to save money on the side. I have had to do this before. It requires a lot of patience & time. But, after about 1 year...i had enough money to move out & pay rent a few months ahead of time. It was hard...but i did it & it was the best & hardest thing i have ever done. It takes time, patience & a job. If you have those things, you CAN help yourself get out of this situation.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:05 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Ask him to leave. It's your grandmother's house, right? He is abusing you and acting like your father, not your husband. You say your marriage is on the rocks, so take the first step to do something about it. Throw him out; then find a good lawyer who will help you and look out for you and your child's best interests. Deal with one situation at a time. Since you've allowed your grandmother to have the final say in raising your child, I doubt that you will change her mind. So once you've dealt with your marriage, deal with your grandmother/grandparents. Find a job since you have a built-in babysitter, get on your feet financially, and move out on your own. In the meantime, do this secretly or have a friend whom you can trust confidentially to help you. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:20 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Totally agree with mama2bof2 -- you have to GROW UP NOW. When you had the baby you said "bye bye" to the club scene. Going out to clubs once every 4-6 months with the girls is plenty! Think twice before you have any more kids - you''ll still be young enough to start going out again in 18 years.
    Whimsee

    Answer by Whimsee at 10:34 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • You are not allowed? You are a grown woman...you can do what you want to do...you are being brainwashed into thinking you have to live by these certain rules and its not true. Stand up for yourself....if you're not in the position to leave just yet, begin working on ways to stand up for yourself to make it easier until your child is old enough where you can leave...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:18 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • You need to grow up; I agree with the other ladies. When you became pregnant and made the choice to keep the baby, you resigned yourself to growing up and becoming a responsible mother. Yes, even mothers need a break once in a while from staying home with the baby all day, but, when you have a child, you say good-bye to all the things you did when you were younger.

    When I became a mother, I let go of heading out for coffee in the middle of the night whenever I wanted to. I let go of going out for a drink with my friends every weekend. Anything I used to do, I stopped doing because I had (and still have) a responsibility for a mini-person. That child can't do it on their own.

    I understand your husband works full-time. Does he sleep that long because of his job? I can tell you that jobs which require a lot of labor will do that. If it wasn't for the fact that my husband and I like to spend time together he'd do it too.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:46 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

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