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2 Bumps

How do you get over a lost friendship? Help!

My close friend has seriously hurt and let me down. I'm utterly bewildered and pained and cannot stop myself from dwelling on what's passed between us. It's making me so sick inside. I simply never saw this incident coming and cannot understand why she insists on bearing a grudge about something I cannot change; was not my fault (or hers); and I couldn't possibly be more sorry and sad over if I tried. I've cried until I'm hoarse over this. I miss her but she is a stone wall to me suddenly. It's very odd.

My husband says put her in the past now and forget her; friendships come and go and she was obviously not who I imagined her to be. But I'm finding it so hard. We had once clicked so well. How can I walk away and not keep dwelling uselessly on this?

Any helpful words would be a big help. I'm sick to the pit of my stomach.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 AM on Dec. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I think your HB is a wise man:) Listen to him. If your friend is bashing you because of something you didn't do or you are not responsible for it (or even if you do, friends just say: hey it wasn't nice...). Forget her, go out, find new friends and say thank you for your husband and God that you have him:P

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 6:15 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Not sure I am letting go of my best friend of 19 years who has been a flea on back. Coming and going as he pleased. Secondly, do I know you?
    dreamingmind

    Answer by dreamingmind at 6:35 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I think you have to give it some time. You could try and talk with her although I am not sure that will do anything. I think you have to live your life and not worry about someone who right now doesn't want to have much to do with you, I have been in a similar situation and while it is never easy, if you keep dwelling on it then you will miss out on what is right in front of you.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:48 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Guys dont always get it. You are experiencing feelings of grief - b/c you have suffered a loss. Allow yourself some time, but also try to keep busy & get together w/ some of your other gf's. I feel for you. Hang in there. *Hugs
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:09 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I would be hurt too. We women adore our friends. We tell each other secrets, cry together,laugh and stand up for one another. I am so sorry for your loss hun. See if you can get with other friends to help you overcome all of your pain.

    BIG HUGS TO YOU
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 7:14 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I agree with your hubby. Sometimes friends just walk away, and it's not because you did anything wrong. After you have made effort to restore what has been lost, then you have to let it go.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:04 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I don't know. I am in this situation now. I called my friend and asked, she was polite but didn't help. I am trying to fill the void in my life by making new friends, but I still miss my friendship- since college days.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:17 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. It went so terribly wrong and I couldn't believe it. Sat in a chair in a daze for a week trying to understand what happened and how she could treat me so differently. In the end I realized that traits of hers, that I knew were there but ignored because I loved her so, were the true traits of her personality. They were the essence of who she is and I put them in the background so we could enjoy each other. We were so close for 20 years. It takes time to get over something like this. You need to grieve just like it was a death. Maybe over time you will have contact again but you need to decide what you want if that happens. I have heard from my friend once and it was a simple "hope you are doing well" over facebook (not friends, just a message). That was enough for me. It is over and I remember the fun times and what we meant to each other. hug
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Pray about it lady :) These things have a way of turning themselves around. In the meantime, focus on YOU and YOUR FAMILY :) Maybe you'll find some things that you didn't realize you like to do or meet some new friends :) Good luck!
    Platinum_Mommy

    Answer by Platinum_Mommy at 1:46 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I'm still not over it..and I don't think I'll ever be. She hurt me pretty badly and it doesn't make any sense. I understand what you're going through. Big hugs.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 1:52 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

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