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2 Bumps

Parents with altzeimers?

Do any of you have a parent with altzeimers? My mother has 'gone round the bend' she lives 150 miles away and my brother and sister care for her, my brother lives next door and when he is at work my sister stays with her, so she is in good hands. She has been sending me emails the past two days that are completely delusional..speaking of discerning spirits and that God would NEVER ask me to do something that wasn't biblical..like she thinks I'm telling her God is speaking to me or something..? I'm having trouble following her train of thought..she told me yesterday I was wrong about what I thought about her and my brother...? and this mornings email says I am wrong about what I think about what she thinks of me and that she LOVES ME..my question is, how do I answer her? Yesterday I only answered 2 out of the 6 emails she sent and all I said was "I don't understand Mom, what do you mean? I never said that" and the second one I just asked if she was ok...I don't know if I should ignore the emails because she isn't always like this, sometimes is very clear and feels embarrassed of the times when she is not...advice anyone?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Dec. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would just respond saying you love her and chatting about small talk. Addressing the things she's written to you in the email may be confusing for her as she probably does not realize what she has written. She may have intended to write something entirely different but other words were what ended up coming out. When someone is having an episode of memory lapse, they often don't realize what they are saying/writing, will not remember it later, and can become even more confused when people try to correct them, remind them about it, or pull them out of the reality they are experiencing.

    Learning what's called "validation" when speaking to someone with alzheimers is helpful in keeping everyone's stress levels down. A local nursing home may have a type of "Family Members of Individuals with Alzheimers" support group you can join to learn more.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 9:59 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Alzheimer's disease is very cruel and I'm so sorry about your mom. She will probably have moments like the ones you mentioned and other times she will be lucid. Just make sure she knows you love her and maybe your brother or sister should monitor the emails she's sending? Not to you perhaps, but to others?
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 9:39 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • My dad has dementia and I feel for you. I would no tlet her use e- mail anymore. so sad....
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • And like others suggested, working on setting boundaries so that she is safe and also not in stressful situations (e.g. sending an email to someone that doesn't understand Alzheimer's who may respond back and frustrate or upset her) might be a good thing. A local nursing home or senior center, as well as her doctor, can help you all discuss what things are appropriate in helping her stay safe and healthy.

    (((hugs))) good luck.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 10:02 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Sometimes you need to remind yourself that it's not your mom doing the communicating. It's your moms disease and it fills her mind with lies. Good luck, sweetie.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 10:57 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • hugsHave a happy Holiday. Enjoy with mom . 

    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 11:02 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • No, my parents are both dead
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:12 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I don't, but my husband's paternal grandmother does. It's been a terrible journey to watch her mind deteriorate like this. Her birthday was this month and the doctor's don't anticipate her to make it to her next birthday.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 8:28 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • My dad is getting like this. i am surprised she can e mail you at all? Just answer her as best you can , Keep it light and tell her you love her ALOT. Its getting hard when they get this way. hang in there.
    mizekman

    Answer by mizekman at 6:32 PM on Dec. 24, 2010

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