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2 Bumps

Why do I feel like this????

My baby father is a deadbeat dad. He has never acknowleged his son as his. He pays c/s by default. But the truth is he isn't a deadbeat dad to his stepson. He worships his 7 yr step son and has never seen or even breathed our son's name.( our son 4mos) His wife knew about his adultry ways and still stands by him.( I did not know he was married/engaged) I am angry for number of reason's -you name it- I have or already felt it. However I am sad sometimes and yet I find myself jealous that he is with her and her son. It's become an obessive feeling of " why her and not me?". I feel bad for our son who will never know his father too. I know I am better than this but sometimes I feel like I wish I was her. Whats going on and is this normal? I love my son sooo much, I hurt for him.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Dec. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • You are FAR better off without him! move on and away from this. You will meet someone who will love you and your son. This guy is a loser and a cheater! if he cheated once , he will again! He is not a good father and is only doting on the other kid because he is competing with that kids father.

    Answer by mizekman at 6:27 PM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • You just need to realize that if he has no desire to see your son, both you and your son are better off if he just stays away. You need to focus on your baby and doing the best you can for him. Some day you'll meet a good man who will love you both. And one of these days, when your son is all grown up, he'll realize YOU were the one who was there for him day in and day out.

    Answer by gabenmikeysmom at 10:49 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I think you are more inlove with the idea of "him" or having the "family" that she currently has. You and your son deserve better.

    Answer by SimplySybil at 10:36 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I am totally with Sybil and I think some of it comes from the fact that your son is fairly new and you still have all those crazy emotions going on too. I wouldn't envy her at all. Think about it...her man cheated on her with you, had a baby, and didn't stand by the baby mama's but took the easy road and is hiding. He is living a lie and so is she. I think you have the better end of the deal.

    Answer by Walker101 at 10:51 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • It is normal. The way I see it is you're wanting that family dynamic. Your baby's father to acknowledge your baby and to be apart of your lives. You may also be wanting to have someone like she has that is involved not only with their child, but with you. However, the reality of it is that your baby's father isn't apart of your lives. That's okay though, because though your son may not know his father he will know someone truely great in the future. Someone that loves you and your son and wants to be around for the both of you. Your baby's father may not want to be apart of your life, because you were 'The other women'. He may be requested to stay away from you by his wife, because again you're 'the other women'. It's the reality of the situation and you're not going to be able to move on unless you come to terms with it. Know that while it could've been different it isn't different. So just move on and leave him to his life.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:49 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I agree with Walker101, why would you want him?? He lied to you about being single (or at least didn't tell you he was married...same thing) and he cheated on his wife....he'd do the same to you. He sounds like a real scum and your son deserve to find a great guy, and you may be better off that he doesn't complicate your life by trying to be part of it. You'll have a chance to get over him.

    Love your baby enough for two, and be open to new relationships, you may just find Mr. Right.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:00 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Be thankful that its her and not you...what type of man helps bring a child into this world and then abandons that child? A low down dirty dog. Why would you want to be with someone who's an obvious liar and cheater? I know its hard to adjust to the fact that he's married and living his life as if your child doesn't exist but the reality of it all is, it is happening. You can either live life wondering why her and not you and continue being miserable or you can make life the best possible by picking yourself up and being a good parent to your child. Remember, with or without the father in your life, there is a child to consider. With or without the father's emotional support YOU are the one he's looking up to and you are the one he needs. Also remember that this will eventually pass, you'll look back on it and wonder, what was I thinking? LOL...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:02 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Jealousy is natural, you were betrayed and you should just consider him a sperm Donner at least he pays child support. I married my daughters father because we were in a lust/friendship relationship and birth control failed he is lazy and does not financially help he just plays mmos all day, I dont really love him and he resents me too. we pretend were in love for DDs sake but my point is things are never ideal and we just need to move on and appreciate what we have and do our best to be contented for our children's sake. Be grateful you arent stuck with the douche bag.


    Answer by GINSMUM123 at 11:12 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Dont waste you breathe or thoughts on him. If he'll stray on her, he'll stray on you. Your son and your deserve so much better.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:27 AM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • A lot of married men who have children with an OW don't consider the child really their's (emotionally). I'm sorry this happened to you but maybe in time he'll come around. I'm sure the wife has some say in whether he accepts your child or not so don't blame it all on him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:39 AM on Dec. 23, 2010