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Question about my MOTHER!

I feel as if nothing I do in my life will please my mother. She has been this way towards me since I was born basically I know its hard to pinpoint exactly when she started being this way but it was from a very early age. I do not call her mom at all or my dad dad. I call them both by there first names and have since I was a little girl as do my siblings. I am just wondering why at 23 years old my mom is 48 she still acts like one I don't exist and even if I do give in and talk to her she treats me like I am garbage! Mind you I am the ONLY one out of my siblings married with a child. Its pointless to cry over this situation my husband tells me countless times not to cry but its Christmas all I want is to be civil and I TRY I TRY my hardest but that is just basically never enough!

HELPPPPPP

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Dec. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • hugs I'm sorry you have a mom like that.  I really can't offer you advice, but I wanted to give you a virtual hug.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:11 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I wish I had advice for you. I had such a toxic relationship with my own biological mother that 4 years ago I finally couldn't take it anymore and cut her out of my life. I didn't want my kids growing up thinking that was how a mother behaved. It was the healthiest thing I could have done.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:11 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Sounds like my story. Cut them from you life like I did. I didnt need the stress or the drama so i no longer speak to my family. I have been stress free since.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:11 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I don't think she will ever come around. At least you have your baby and husband to love you. It won't replace the love of a mom but may help.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 1:12 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • are your wasted efforts really worth it? you have to ask yourself whats more important: your own happiness or the happiness of your mom who does nothing but bring you down with her?
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 1:13 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I'm sorry you are dealing with that. The best thing for you might just be to cut all ties with her. It doesn't sound like she will change, nor will she treat you any better.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 1:14 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • This is a very difficult situation, especially at Christmas, and I hate that this is happening to you, but I think you just have to remember that you can't make another person do what you want them to do. Not through trying harder, wishing, hoping, or pleading. You can only change your reaction to them. Maybe it would be better to have no contact, but that's something for you to decide. You need to figure out what you can do that will make it better for you, and then do that.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 1:14 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Sounds to me like your mom just really was never cut out for motherhood, and she took out her unhappiness on her kids.

    Realize that you will NEVER please her, because she cannot please herself. Live YOUR life to the fullest for your happiness, your husband's happiness, and the happiness of your children, now and in the future. Recognize the behavior she has that has hurt you and vow to do all you can NOT to repeat those patterns with your own children.

    As for her, distance, time and limited contact might help, but finding other ways to be satisifed in your life will help much more.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 1:15 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I know but I stopped trying from the moment my mother adopted me she tried to give me back and told my father she hated me and wished I was dead. First ((((HUGS)))) Second its hard when your parents blame you for them being or not being you should realize its hard but give her, her issues back and its hard to find it but forgive her and move on.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:17 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Please yourself.

    So, for most of 23 years you have known exactly what your mother is like and yet you believe that it is possible for her to be someone else? Your frustration arises entirely from expecting your mother to be anyone other than who you have ALWAYS known her to be.

    Here's a question for you to ponder in the silence of the nights around your peaceful, drama-free Christmas: where does the idea come from, that as a result of being fertile and having sex make anyone into anything other than a physical parent? I mean, how does having unprotected sex make one selfless, upstanding, respectable, understanding, compassionate, pleasable or anything else?

    We have a Hallmark Card idea of what 'Mother' means, and 100% of the time you look for that in the woman who gave birth to you, you're going to be disappointed. Because Hallmark wasn't looking at her, or her behaviour, when they wrote those smarmy, sentimental cards.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:18 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

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