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2 Bumps

Every time I think about my husband I seem to get so sad......

He is gone a lot, and I am not sad because of that...I am sad because of the way he treats me. Nothing I do is good enough and I try so hard.
I work almost as many hours as he does, yet I do EVERYTHING. Bills, cleaning, laundry, homework, carpooling, shopping, scheduling vehicle maintenance, cooking, planning any outings and finding babysitters. You name it, I do it...ALL.
On the days he works and I am actually home I make him a fresh pot of coffee, set his uniform out, set out a fresh towel, pack his lunch and make sure the vehicle has gas in it for him.
But when I have to get ready for work he can't be bothered to help with the kids or try to pack me a little lunch. On his days off he can't even manage to do the dishes. I set the trash out at night so he could take it to the dumpster for me so I don't have to leave our children alone in the house to trek across the subdivision. I don't ask much of him AT ALL, I think doing the dishes one or two days a week and taking the trash seems pretty minimal.
However, when I ask for a little help he tells me I am selfish and that what I do is nothing compared to the schedule that he works and if I continue to bitch he will quit his job and show me just how much he does do. I feel that many wives don't do nearly what I do for him and he should count his blessings.
I go back and forth between feelings of anger, resentment and just plain hopelessness. Is there no light at the end of this tunnel?I realize that I have created this monster by babying him so much...but is there really no end in sight? Will i be this miserable and used for the rest of my life?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Dec. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • From the way it sounds, yes. Tell him this, "How about I start picking up double and tripple shifts at work. The stuff I DO do will be left for you. We'll see who's bitching at the end of one week."

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Honey stop doing everything and show him what it is like to live in a home where you both work and turn the table and see what he does and says then,

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 9:27 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • He needs a wake up call.

    Answer by bseastrand at 9:27 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Has it always been this way? After so much time things become expected instead of appreciated, I would start letting him take care of himself. You are not his mother! You are his spouse, his equal and things are not equal, now are they?

    Answer by kc932 at 9:29 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • He's bullying you. You are a person too, you deserve as much if not more than your giving to him, in return from HIM! Stand your ground. If someone that is supposed to love you treats you this way, HE is the one being selfish. HE is the one not doing a good enough job. BELIEVE THAT!
    My husband used to treat me like this, and I finally got sick and tired of it. I became utterly depressed and asked for a divorce. He changed his tune around QUICK.
    He will walk all over you as long as you allow it from him.
    What I regret is that it took me so long to stand up for myself, I am now left with the thoughts and feelings of being inadequate, selfish for taking care of my needs and wants and I have a WHOLE LOT of resentment and anger that I'm working through.
    Please don't let him do this to you. I KNOW from experience that it's hard to pull yourself up and out and defend yourself, but you have to do it for you and your children!

    Answer by CABlonde at 9:30 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I have tried to stop doing things for him but he guilts me and makes me feel worthless. I guess I am a bit of an enabler. I need to be firm and make him understand that I am not a doormat. It has gotten to the point that I feel that even if something tragic happened to me, he would immediately look for another woman to become his indentured servant so he wouldn't have to take care of himself....or the kids. Ugh...just typing all this is making me furious and so very sad.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:31 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Msg me if you want to talk further....xoxoxo

    Answer by CABlonde at 9:31 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I am so terrified that if I threaten him or separate for a while that he will want it to stay that way. We have been together since we were 16 and now we are over this is the only life I know. How can I become a stronger woman and learn to love myself again?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • The other thing he does that infuriates me is saying "Fine, I will hand wash the dishes I use, do my laundry and pack my lunch"....WTF? That still leaves me with myself, two children, working and doing EVERYTHING else that has to be done.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:35 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • Don't gas up his car, don't do HIS laundry, don't pack his lunch, or make his coffee for a while. Do what you need to do for you and your kids. Don't be mean or spiteful about it...just stop doing it. When he says something tell him you've been trying to discuss the issue with him w/o any help so you had to make a decision and that is what you decided.


    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:35 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

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