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Who else thinks we owe some first moms/cafemom members HUGE KUDO's?

I have learned so much from some cafemom members about adoption. I believe with all my heart the first mothers who lost their children to adoption deserve a standing ovation for their diligent, never ending support to all members of the triad. I have read many of their posts, I have learned of their life long pain, I have learned so much. I read all the books, went to the websites...The girls who went away, The Primal Wound, ETC. LADIES I love you and your efforts were and are not in vain. This is National Adoption Month and for all first moms GOD BLESS


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Asked by searbear at 10:01 PM on Nov. 9, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (41)
  • I am not sure if you can mention names but I have to THANK Southern Roots, Onethentwins, Port Angels, Adopteeme, Momzilla and all first moms. You saved our family from self destruction! We will work this out. I have become sickened over infant adoption. I pray our laws change. You women are so graceful, so dignified and your pain has helped out HUNDREDS!!!!! I wish they would have you on Oprah or a reality TV show. You are my heros!!!!

    Answer by searbear at 10:08 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Thank you. I am one of those first mothers. Even if I can just educate one person on each end of the triad, I am doing my little part.

    Answer by Boofer at 10:09 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • never ending support to all members of the triad.

    I'd like to know where you are getting this because that's not how I see it


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I hate when people don't have the courage to answer with their name. Why are you hiding??? Must be a PAP or AP.....I just read a post where AP allaboutkeeley, hurt a member so deeply they stayed off Cafemom....Case in point!!
    YOU FIRST MOM's are the REAL MOM's!!!! You loved them first and another baby didn't replace your lost baby as with AP's failed adoptions...I have read some AP's who have had up to four failed adoptions..I am sure they don't mourn for a lifetime over the ones who went HOME once they get "their" baby!

    Answer by searbear at 10:48 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I do want to thank all the first mothers who post and I am interested in finding ways to better educate myself and others about adoption. But I do want to add that I had a situation where our adoption of a baby girl was disrupted. I still mourn for her, still wonder about her. That pain is acute as the pain when my brother died. It still feels similar to that. I think I will always be wondering where she is, how she is, and hoping she is well. While I support fully the right of her mother to change her mind - that doesn't erase the pain.

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:03 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Oh AllAboutKeeley...don't leave! I like reading what you have to say on here. I think some Bmoms get a little twisted becuase they regret the decisions they made in there life. That's not YOUR fault, it's theres! As to searbear....where do you get off telling Bmoms they are the REAL MOMS?!?! They may have given birth to that baby, but a REAL MOM is there in the middle of the night when they have a bad dream, comforts them when they are sick or scared, holds there hand on the first day of school! I'm not taking anything away from Bmoms, as there role in a child's life is also important, but to say they are the real moms is just WRONG! How dare you try to make us Amoms feel like we are nothing and have done something wrong by adopting these children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • CONT...(The one above was me....didn't mean to check the anon. box)
    At least the ladies on here are trying to gain some insight into helping there children, and TRYING to get viewpoints from those Bmoms who are helpful enough to tell us there stories without critizing us! I am so pissed right now at that comment!! And as for mourning adoptions that didn't go as're WAY THE HELL OFF! We met the 3rd newborn we were selected to adopt...we decided against it at the time because we just weren't ready since we already had 2 two yr olds to raise. I DO MOURN the fact that we didn't bring her home. I wish everyday that the situation was different and we could have made her our daughter. My SIL recently gave birth to her 3rd daughter and I cried when I left her hospital room for the 3rd daughter we had to pass up. She didn't go home with her Bmom, she went to another foster family.

    Answer by LizClara at 12:29 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • CONT.
    She was a preemie and the tiniest thing I've ever seen....I think about her often and hope that she is well. To me it was something similiar to another having a miscarriage, only in this case I DID get to meet her and fell in love the instant I saw her. Now tell me we don't mourn over failed adoptions! Yes, it is a happy day when the child gets to go home with there Bmoms, if that's the case, but we still feel that pain of our own loss!

    Answer by LizClara at 12:29 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • AllAboutKeeley- this was a post to give tribute to the natural mothers in adoption. Yes, I posted those words about you. However, you felt it necessary to come here and have your pity are NOT a first mom, you IMHO are a selfish mom. This was a place to HONOR REAL MOMs. You should have posted in the appropriate section-again the display of your selfishness. I do not stand alone as I have read many threads from you and about you! You have caused pain to others but you justify the pain you cause. If you go away(IMO) You will not be missed.
    Look back at what others have said. When it is many saying the SAME things to you maybe you should listen! Oh well,you are very selfish to come to this area where that comment was not even posted. Again your poor DD :(

    Answer by searbear at 12:32 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • LizClara- This area is not for you! This was meant for the dignity, insight and missions of natural mothers-which you are not. Start your own posting please! This is a tribute to the beautiful FIRST MOTHERS in the triad!!! If the AP's are offended to bad!! As I said, start your own post and allow these beautiful women the credit they deserve!!

    Answer by searbear at 12:39 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

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