Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to deal w/ bratty rude step children

I have 2 step daughters, who were raised w/ no discipline, and use no manners and have no respect for their dad or myself. They do not clean up after themselves because they were raised w/ a maid at all times and they are total slobs. They talk back and their attitude is getting out of hand.

Answer Question
 
RespectAK

Asked by RespectAK at 10:22 PM on Nov. 9, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • The most important thing for you and your DH, S/O is to be consistent and on the same page. By that I mean that whoever sets the discipline, the other sticks with it and doesn't over ride it and present a united front. Reinforce to them that their behavior, actions and words are not acceptable and will not be tolerated. I'm sure that it's an adjustment for all of you, but it's really important that you and your DH remain in control and let them know that there are rules and when those rules are broken or disrespected, there will be consequences and enforce them.

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:31 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Blended families are very difficult. You don't have to be their mother, and you don't have to be the one to punnish them (their dad should) but they do have to respect that this is your house. Talk to your husband about family counseling with a mariage and family therapist. They help blended families all the time with great success. If counseling is not an option, enlist your husband's support. You should not be in the position - EVER - of being the evil step mommy. You and your husband can establish rules and agreed upon standard punishments. They don't have to know that you had a hand in setting house rules for them or their punishments. When they don't pick up their clothes or clean thier room - he can take clothes or items off the floor and put them away. Like in the trunck of his car. Take away cell phone privledges, texting, movies, withhold allowances ect...he should do that actively.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:34 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • cont..
    If they leave dishes out then there are no more dishes for them to eat off of until they wash some. You put yours away, your husband did too I am assuming. And if they are old enough to wash clothes then let them wash their own together. Or they go stinky. It won't kill them. You can sit down with them and explain how you know it must be hard to have step parents but you are not there to be their mother. You can be their friend, do fun things with them (when they don't treat you like a maid), but not to replace their mom. If they do something and husband is not there : then make sure they and you are safe, discuss with your husband when he gets home, and let him handle his children. But you deserve peace in your own home.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:38 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • You don't have to be their mother, and you don't have to be the one to punish them (their dad should) but they do have to respect that this is your house? Does that make sense? Are you saying that they only have to respect the house itself but not any punishment or consequence she hands out? How would you feel if you were her, would you put up with being treated like this? And as far as "locking things up and putting dishes away so they can't or don't use them until they start washing them" you forgot to tell her to give them paper plates to eat off of!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Hi
    I have 3 stepdaughts. Twins that are 15 and an eight year old. All 3 of them have no repsect for me or their Dad. When they come over they have nothing to do with us at all. The youngest will go in the playroom with our son and the twins go into their room and don't come out until time to eat or it's the next morning. when I have to do their chores, they have to do mine. Like it or not. only . Mine are also slobs. Within 5 mins. of being in our house you can't walk in their room. I hate it so much but their Dad doesn't say anything to them anymore and he thinks the youngest is an angel, she can be but she also has horns that come out when he turns his back. They play us against each other all of the time. All 3 of them are spoiled brats and get away with everything including lying to my husband.
    You can email me and we can talk more because I know how you are feeling.
    robbiesmom

    Answer by robbiesmom at 9:29 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Each time one of these girls is disrespectful to 1 or both adults in the household start taking away privileges (i.e. cell phones, computers, i-pod, i-pad, or whatever they deem necessary to live their lives). Soon enough they'll have none of their 'toys' left and they'll begin to rethink and adjust their attitudes thus bringing about positive change in their behavior.
    SallyJ44

    Answer by SallyJ44 at 2:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.