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For the sake of family get togethers, what do you allow your children to be exposed to?

My SIL got very angry at my husband on Thanksgiving. He parked in the middle of the driveway and she completely lost it because when her friend got there, there was no room for him to park. She yelled at him, picked up a crow bar and wanted to hit him, threw leave bags all over our van, tried to break the back windshield, spit on it, cussed up a storm. When my husband tried to call the police, she hit him in the face. So he held her down until she promised to leave. Obviously, she has anger and some kind of drug issues. She is 34 and lives with my MIL and FIL.
NOW, my MIL says we are very 'un-Jesus-like' and unforgiving because we say we will not expose ourselves or our 3 children (7, 5, and 2) to her until she has been gotten very involved counseling and detox.
My in-laws will not come over to our house because she says we have to learn to forgive. I say we are not MAD, but we cannot allow our children around this again until she has gotten help.
PLEASE give me your very honest thoughts. My 7 yo is very upset and I believe he is blaming us because my mil told him that he could have his present but only if we came over to her house.
I don't like someone saying i am unforgiving and I am frustrated because she doesn't seem to understand why I cannot expose my children to this, or risk my husband holding his sister down again, and then if we call the cops, she may try to counter and get HIM arrested.

Answer Question
 
pat7879

Asked by pat7879 at 11:18 AM on Dec. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (167 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Hey,I'd do the same thing! That was WAY over the top violent.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:20 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • Forgiveness and trusting aren't the same thing. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that they are someone that you trust and want to be around. I understand this is her daughter and she wants the family whole, but she's defending the wrong child.....which could be how that child got that way!!!!

    Your husband maybe could have parked more considerately.....but all she really needed to do was to ask him nicely to move the car. I don't think I'd want to be near her either!!!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:21 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • You are doing the right thing. I am sending you a message
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:22 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • I would do the same thing! Your MIL should be ashamed for what she said to your son! I would keep my kids from her to if she's going to manipulate them and make them feel guilty. My mother is like your SIL but your SIL is a bit more crazy. My kids haven't seen my kids for 2 weeks now and I refuse to go over there tonight or tomorrow. You're doing the right thing. Your in laws can just shove it.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:23 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • I stopped going to those things. I am retired. The only people I go out of my way to see if my own children and my grandchildren- no extended family anymore for me. I always thought.. why should I take away from my children's time with me and their holiday to attend something that no one really wanted to attend in the first place. How silly of me to do that. I fact, we moved away and it's been wonderful!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:23 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • ohwrite- thank you for the comment. I agree, I really do NOT trust that she will not do this again. She has been angry and cussed and said inappropriate things and stormed around before, so we were already worried about the situation. i maybe should have added that we were the last familly members there and they've never invited friends before. So the parking was an honest misunderstanding.
    pat7879

    Comment by pat7879 (original poster) at 11:28 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • Having a sister with drug issues, I can tell you...I totally agree. For the longest time, I made it clear to my parents that they would not be around her until she got her act together. Fortunately, she lives in another state so it was never really an issue. I still wouldn't leave them with her, but with me around, it would be fine since she has gone through rehab, has a job and seems to be cleaning up her life (getting her own kids back for example).

    My husband grew up where police were called to Christmas each year due to a schizophrenic aunt becoming uncontrollable and I will tell you...if leaves a mark.
    heatheryn

    Answer by heatheryn at 11:33 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • well it sounds like they are going to miss out bc they are being idiots. I wouldnt let that woman anywhere near my kids ever again. You know that they remember that, they dont need to be at risk for seeing it again.
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 11:47 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • The last time we went to my in laws for a holiday, my BIL, his wife, and MIL were in the living room smoking pot around the kids. We stopped going there. That was very inconsiderate. They could have done that in a bedroom or something.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 11:59 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • There is no way I would submit my children to that ever again. If your inlaws want to see your kids, they can come to you - without the psycho SIL. If the don't like it, oh well.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:31 PM on Dec. 24, 2010

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