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2 Bumps

why can people still love people that hurt them. I wonder

My father has been pretty abusive, I feel as a parent and I also feel even more so as a husband. Three or four years ago he had a massive stroke. Bad thing about it, I predicted it the day before it happened. I said to someone: " I have been scared all day that my parent( s) are going to die." Less than 24 hours later that happened. I have all the right in the world to be disgusted with him for the way he has been esp when he never will admit any wrong doing. According to him he is perfect. I get so disgusted. Yet deep down I am utterly consumed with this and that he is going to die. At any get together it usually surfaces, I get upset and look like the weirdo to everyone.Mind you, I saw when all this happened( his stroke) I was there.
I think that this behavior is essentially wrong because I think that it has been the behavior that has caused me over and over again to get involved with horribly abusive men in MY life time and time again. I actually BELIEVE that my father is the reason I have done this. Why then do I get so upset about all this with my father? Is this normal? I also have brothers and sisters that basically do nothing for him and I have been the one that has done everything for him following this health problem as well. Should we not easily be able to hate someone like that? And why dont I? I say I do sometimes. What is your take on this

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Dec. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • This is a tough 1 but I am going to take a stab at it...I have a brother who I don't care for as much, he is locked up in jail and I had a brother that I loved very much, passed away from a gunshot to the back....I often had thoughts like...why didn't the brother I don't like die...but I feel very bad for thinking that way...I often felt the good ones always go first...But we are family so in your heart of hearts you should always do what you feel is best...no matter what the situation is...my daughter doesn't get along with my husband but I make her understand that she has to respect him because he is the man of the house and he is the adult...It's normal to have animosity towards someone that makes you feel less of a person sometimes, but you have to look deep inside yourself and love yourself no matter what...I don't stoop down to anyone's level I'm gonna be me regardless...I have a good heart so I give love to everyone
    mamidearest3

    Answer by mamidearest3 at 4:49 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • I guess that's what forgiveness is all about.
    GingerKitten

    Answer by GingerKitten at 4:51 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • I think it's partially because you think you can still help him.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 4:59 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • He's still your father, the one who sired you,---but he wasn't a good Dad so that's why, I think, you are so upset... And,---you have every right to be... Abusive parents do an enormous amount of damage to their kids. It's horrible.

    Yes... You will still bear the emotional scars... I know. I endured many years as an abused wife. But,---life goes on... Don't let negative thoughts about your father take permanent root in your head.
    IndigoRose

    Answer by IndigoRose at 5:00 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • Many times people try to please the abuser by doing things to try to make it "right" and have the abuser finally love and see them for the wonderful person they are. Problem is, abusers never do. They only see themselves. This lifestyle has made the situation familiar to you so you choose men like dear old dad. If you get time, look up the word Narcissist and see if you find something familiar there about your dad and how to deal with having a father like that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:30 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • YOU HAVE NO IDEA, HOW MUCH YOU AND I HAVE IN COMON :(

    PLZ com to my profile, I UNDERSTAND YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:33 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • In life we all chose to be with the ones we know that is not good for us...sounds weird but true
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 1:29 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

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