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was i wrong?

On my husband's birthday (Nov. 21) I started asking what was the plans for Christmas.. asking his mom.. She had to work so we were doing their Christmas last weekend (the 18th of Dec) so I asked what his grandma would be doing.. and the rest of the family.. she wasnt sure but would ask.. so from that day until yesterday i asked roughly 20 times.. thats just his mom.. i also asked his grandma like 2 or 3 times (when we saw her.. which we saw her last weekend for the Christmas with his parents..) Noone knew what or when.. and I told them all.. ok well i want to make sure to make it to spend time with you guys on Christmas also.. but noone ever told me anything.. and OVBIOUSLY I was trying to make it clear that we wanted to be with his family also.. (HE was scheduled to work) soooo when no one tells me anything after I asked soo many times... I am just not going to worry about it. so when my husband is told he doesnt have to come in they have it covered due to slow business I do not plan to change my plans (not that i say anything about it) but we were going to run by there in between my family get togethers to give his grandma her gift. they have to nerve to act surprised/ hurt that we arent staying to eat and were going to my family get together... his brother and dad say "yall arent staying?? grandma cooked" and she said well i thought you would stay.... ummmm excuse me? but when did the wife and children NOT BE INCLUDED in the family get togethers unless the husband was there? i mean a month of me asking and asking and asking and they always left it as... not sure yet.. not sure even we will even do anything yet..and then they (to my husband) act hurt for missing the "family get together" am I right or am I taking something the wrong way (and its not like they got caught up with family coming in and everyone being sidetracked, only people there was his grandma and his dad brother and sister.. the aunts and cousins possible but no definite) but his grandma told us last weekend she would definitely be doing something BUT didnt know when.. am i just being too sensitive or am I right that it was rude for them NOT to even attempt to tell me what time to be there so his wife and children could be there even though he had to work because they damn sure expected us to be there when he didnt have to work.


Asked by Ross2010 at 10:42 PM on Dec. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I think, I would have made a snarky comment about HOW many times I ASKED what the plans were. And how I didn't get an answer. And how if I HAD gotten one, we WOULD be staying. Then I'd walk out.
    No, you weren't wrong. Unless it's just the rest of us that likes to have plans made so that everyone knows what's going on, so everyone can make it. I suppose it COULD be the rest of us that are wrong, but I don't think so:)

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • My family used to do stuff like that. I quit trying, left it alone. Then for some freakish reason everyone starts calling us for plans. I just don't give it any energy.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:49 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • I do not think you were wrong AT ALL!! You made a GREAT effort to work them into your x-mas plans. I hate when people do that!! I asked my SO and his mother many times about x-mas plans this year (and never got an answer) because this is the first year that I have had family to spend holidays with (I am adopted and just met by bio father for the very time this year and got back in touch with bio mom again), so I wanted to see them both and spend some time with them. I finally just told them both that they could come by whenever they wanted to. It worked out because my father came by last night and my mother is coming over tomorrow, but if they wanted to get together today, that's what would have happened!!! You were not wrong and not rude, they were rude for not making you aware of their wants or expectations for that day until the last minute!!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 10:52 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • My aunt did that to us for years. They would tell us to be there at a certain time, and when we got there, everyone was done eating, and the food was cold. We were always forgotten about, but when we decided that we were just going to spend time with us, they got hurt and upset. We have to worry about ourselves, from time to time. They will get over it, and hopefully they will tell your before hand next time.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:53 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

  • I don't think you were wrong. You have been asking for quite a while and nobody ever gave you an answer. It sounds like they had that already planned out regardless of what you wanted to plan. Since they didn't give the information to you or your husband (and the fact that you had to find out the hard way), what did they really expect to happen? You made your plans while they made theirs. It's not your fault, they should have said something.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:38 AM on Dec. 26, 2010