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i am a horrible mother adult content

my 4yrs has been sooo bad she even told me she will never be good not to dare tell santa .While her brother opened gifts from the family and santa had to wait till the morning in the morning she didnt have hers under the tree the relative just gave her the gifts she asked why santa didnt give her gifts i said because she was bad she understould. she did good till later she started yelling and fighting with her brother no one is allowed to drink or eat in the living room she took a cup and dropped it on my lap top my work is will head a computer shop on monday computer wont work then i sent her to bed she is playing her games and laying on a bed covered in pee she did it this morning after she took off her pullup.I Spanked her she is the type to cry very loud and not one tear she bottled it up .I feel so horrible because she bottled it up and on xmass for the first time in her life she was spanked.PLEASE I need advice

 
hush84

Asked by hush84 at 12:25 AM on Dec. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 9 (359 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • it sounds like you have a very strongwilled child and a controlling one at that. Take a step back and go to the bookstore. There are some great books on raising a hard to handle child. Don't let her make you loose your temper. Spanking doesn't always work and sometimes when it doesn't, we want to spank harder. Make her spend time in her room and seek out some help from a good child professional. Your not a horrible parent, we've all been there at times. By your acknowledging you need help is a sure sign that your a great parent and you want to do what's right. You know you love your child and that's important, good luck
    cardinal58

    Answer by cardinal58 at 12:41 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • OK... Kids can be very trying, I agree... but it's not OK to put her to bed in a pee soaked bed from this morning. It sounds like there may truly be some issues with her and being jealous of her brother. I would advice you both to seek counseling. She's 4.. she shouldn't be having these types of behavioral issues without a cause.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:32 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • im not sure other then spilling her cup on your computer what exactly she did thats so bad. you didnt really say.
    Jaxsmommy09

    Answer by Jaxsmommy09 at 12:32 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • no of course i changed the bedding and cleaned up obviously no mom would ever do that i was upset that it was peed every day i wake her up and bath her and put regular under wear on the pull up are for sleep only
    hush84

    Comment by hush84 (original poster) at 12:35 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • You are not a bad mother, do you know why? Bc you feel aweful about spanking her. Let her know that you are sorry and ask her if she forgives you. If she doesn't understand, explain to her what forgiveness is. Next time leave the situation for a few minutes and then correct her with a punishment that fits the situation. Time out with looking at the corner is effective or letting her know that she will not be getting what she wants next time you take her out shopping.
    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 12:35 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • im not sure other then spilling her cup on your computer what exactly she did thats so bad. you didnt really say.


    with out my permission she served her self a cup of SODA then sat on the couch and accidentally of course spilled it on my LAPTOP i was not upset about the laptop it was an accident but i was that she took soda and then drank it on the couch where no one is allowed
    hush84

    Comment by hush84 (original poster) at 12:39 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • As soon as you took away her Christmas gifts, she knew there was pretty much nothing else you could do to top it. I'm going to copy something I wrote in a post about taking away Christmas, I hope it helps.

    When you take everything fun away from a child, when they are ALWAYS in trouble, there's nothing left to be good for. I went through it with my 15 year old, so I'm not speaking from the perspective of some perfect, holier than thou parent. We did it. She was completely out of control. I never took away Christmas (though I was close one year), but she was ALWAYS in trouble. As soon as she was done with one punishment, she was messing up and getting in to another one. There were no breaks from it.

    More...
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:39 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • We finally had to break the cycle ourselves. We took a camping trip, and decided together, as a family, that the mountain we camp on is a "no trouble zone." Everything she had done before was erased, and if she messed up she would be punished like it was the first time, rather than being compounded by past problems. The hard part was sticking to it, because of course she messed up, but we did it, and it was a serious breaking point for the cycle of bad behavior and constant discipline.

    Kids need to see a light at the end of the tunnel. If they can't, then they won't even try. If you take away Christmas, there's no one-upping that. Your DD went to bed knowing that there was no point in trying to be good today, you took away the most magical day of the year. You can't make it worse on them than you already have without facing criminal charges, and she knows it.
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:40 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • And no, you do not need to go to counseling. It is frustration, it's normal. If you find yourself to depressed and can't let go of a situation, then I would most likely say go see a doctor. You are the best judge when it comes to your kids and they have a terrific, mom. Stay solid, sister.

    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 12:41 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • You are not a bad mother, do you know why? Bc you feel aweful about spanking her. Let her know that you are sorry and ask her if she forgives you. If she doesn't understand, explain to her what forgiveness is. Next time leave the situation for a few minutes and then correct her with a punishment that fits the situation. Time out with looking at the corner is effective or letting her know that she will not be getting what she wants next time you take her out shopping.
    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface 4 minutes ago
    4832 Level 18



    TIme out lol she will sing not stair at the wall or plain and simply refuse let me tell you this girl is strong she is too young for these behaiviors what am i to expect when she is five
    hush84

    Comment by hush84 (original poster) at 12:42 AM on Dec. 26, 2010