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i cant live like this anymore... adult content

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have 2 daughters. We are having money issues and always have. I always get the blame for it. I never spend money on anything other than groceries for the house and of course I have become a smoker for the past year ( I want to quit) my husband is also a smoker has been since before I met him. Anytime we come into some money he starts spending like crazy on anything that he wants. When I confront him he tells me "he makes the money and who am I to question him" he tells me I do nothing for this family because I don't work. I want to work, but daycare is outrages money wise. All the money I earn will go to daycare. Also, he's in the military so we move a lot. We are never stable for more than a year if that. I do all I can within the home. I take care of our children, cook, clean, and try to meet all of his needs. I think I am a good wife. He tells me I do nothing. He is so hurtful with his words and is always threatening divorce. I try to brush it off, but if also comes with him watching porn everytime I leave, buying tons of naked girl pictures on his phone, and getting on adult friend finders. If I at all touch his phone he freaks out! Makes me super suspicious. I never have a vehicle and I feel like my whole life is just crumbling down. I want better for myself and for my children. I feel like nothing is ever going to get better. Also, we are moving to a new base in 2 weeks, but he wants to fly the girls and I home. I am terrified to fly and he know this. But he is keeping his plans on not traveling with the girls and I and flying his uncle here to drive home with him (to save he says) I personally think he just wants to do what he wants without us. What do I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I love it when men think all you do as a SAHM is "sit home". My dh made a comment one day that he'd love to sit home, so would I! lol What you're dealing with is a whole lot different though, because you are dealing with an extreme lack of respect! Especially with the friend finder! I really don't know what advice to give, I've put up with a lot of different things but possible infidelity would make me walk away. I would pack my things separately and let him go alone to the next duty station! A point someone else made, your children learn about relationships by watching you! I've never done counseling, but perhaps if he's willing to go maybe you should try that. As far as money goes, my dh is free with the money and I scrimp on my needs (but not my children's). If you have access to the money I would spend as you see fit, he's going to blame you either way. as for the smoking: I never trust a person without any vices! :o)

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:18 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I know that if we quit smoking it will save money. I am trying. I have slowed down A LOT so please don't comment on that. And my children always come first so if that means no cigarettes for whatever amount of time, that's fine with me. I have never chose them before my girls needs.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Well, there is alot more to life then money. But if he acts like of coarse he wont see that. DH and I have had our money issues but what matters most is that we have EACH OTHER. Yiou two can over some that.....BUT the porn, friend finder, naked girl pictures...all of that. SCREW that.That shit would NOT fly with me. You should NOT put up with that at all. That is bad news. Sounds to me like you need to put your foot down or move on to try to better yourself and the kids. You are a good wife and I know what you mean about daycare. Outrageous. There is someone out there who WILL appreciate what you do. Hope things work out for you mama. Hugs.

    Answer by JakesCupcake at 2:45 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Sorry for typos! My fingers move faster then my brain haha

    Answer by JakesCupcake at 2:46 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I'm so sorry for you! I don't want to hurt your feelings but I really think you need to get out. Maybe family can help? Do you have a college degree or any training experience that can help you to get on your feet? He trully cannot care about you! He sounds absolutely horrible and I hope you can find a way to save some amount of money, don't let him screw you! This is your life too and if he's threatening you with divorce then show him he doesn't scare you. Divorce sounds like a great idea, make it a good decision, I know it's easier to stay and believe me when I say that I hate divorce! But he does not want to be with you. It's a fresh start, screw him! There are millions of men and besides that your kids need you. Remember that we as parents are the first examples of how and who our kids should look for when ready to marry. If your husbands a d*** then your daughters will find the same thing!

    Answer by nqmochafrappe at 2:54 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • rember you have 2 girls that look up to you what do you want to teach them about relationships i feel for you i am also in that boat my spouse says i never contribute enough he pays for everything i never can quit buck up to his expectations i have learned i may never he may bitch even if everything is perfect so dont let him fill your head with bullshit mine likes to make me feel 2 inches high and i know better he threatens divorce so i say bring it on i will get 1/2 your shit go i also am past the tears and ooohh what would i do withouth him yes it will hurt like hell but if you dont wanna be here go i wish you all the best just rember what you are teaching your girls do you want them to put up with what you are

    Answer by boondocks at 5:17 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • You can talk to a Chaplain. You can go talk with JAG. You can tell him to go file for divorce, and you will go talk with his 1stSgt. about his neglect and abuse. I'm sure he doesn't want to be the douchebag in a the unit before he actually gets established. By the way, you are married. What money he makes IS YOUR MONEY TOO. Also, by the way, JAG does not like douchebag soldiers that ditch their wives, so I'm sure they won't like the one's that ditch their kids, too. And, if his chain of command does not do their job, they don't like that, either. I know, have experience in this. Sitting there with the JAG attorney arguing and getting louder and louder with them on the phone is interesting.

    If your kids watch their dad treat their mom like this, they will grow up thinking this is what a marriage is supposed to be. And it's not. You have options, more then he does. Don't let him tell you otherwise!

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:42 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Being married to a soldier, when they are in the wrong, and you are not, YOU have HIM by the balls. Remember that. He will tell you no one will help you. That is a lie. A big, fat lie. I promise you that.
    My ex told me JAG wouldn't help me. I guess that's why his CoC had their positions threatened. I guess that's why he was kicked out of the Army. Not just because of what he did to me, but that just didn't help him any. You have options. Also, go to ACS. They have ALL the contact info.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:47 PM on Dec. 26, 2010