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no bashing!! but...why do you stay with a man........

you can't trust to bathe or cook dinner for or to even watch the kids so you can go shopping or out with family or friends?
So many times (way to many to count) I see so many posts and or answers from women who cannot (or will not) trust the the father of their children, to actually look after the children. Why would you #1 have a child with a man like that and #2 stay with a man like that??? Or for that matter a man who refuses to work (not due to illness or physical disability)
I work with a gal whose SO will not work, she can't/won't leave the kids with him, he treats her awful and she just takes it...???? Yes some of it is self esteem ...but what are you teaching your kids?? I want to give my kids a good if not great example of a loving, caring, united couple...not one that bickers and fights and is one sided. I am not bashing ...I am just wondering....and to be honest I guess I am also hoping some one with think their relationship thru and make a change for the better for their kids.
Kids need BOTH parents, whenever possible to be involved in their lives.
Not trying to piss anyone off ...I just think our kids deserve the best!....don't you????

And yes I have been there!! and done that!! I was miserable and I knew I deserved better, it didn't matter that he thought I didn't. I left. It was hard but I am much better off and happy

 
justgrape723

Asked by justgrape723 at 8:28 AM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,456 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I, too, agree. I have worked with so many women who are confident, intelligent, true dynamos in the board room but who hook up with the biggest losers in their personal relationships. They seem to have the mentality that any man is better than no man AND that their happiness (or what they perceive as happiness) comes before the safety and well-being of their children. No thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • i left after trying everything to keep family together
    i was putting myself last, thinking keeping family together was most important
    until i stopped and thought- would i want my daughter to be in a relationship like this?- no of course not
    then I decided i would not stay for family togetherness and give her idea that this kind of man is what she should grow up to desire
    she deserves better
    and i am someones daughter too, i deserve better also
    i am not in a relationship now, single is better than having a man who does not show love through actions, does not respect through actions, not the example i want for my daughter

    ** but luckly i have a mom who took us in, if i did not, i would still be there, saving every penny to be able to leave
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:01 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I completely agree with you. I think many women fear being alone so much that they will settle for a "relationship" with any man rather than wait for a man who wants a wife and family rather than just a sexual partner.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:34 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I agree and I was lucky - and smart enough - to marry a wonderful man who is the wonderful father I knew he would be. I've talked to women in real life in this situation and there are a million reasons not to leave, many of them financial.

    Most of us learn by example, and a lot of women in these situations don't think they deserve anything better. And they believe their kids will be fine. I have a friend whose husband can't hold a job - he's one of those guys who thinks the world owes him a living. They have 2 boys and they are out of control & disrespectful to their mother because that's what their father is teaching them by example.
    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 8:41 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I agree with what you are saying but is it easier judging from the outside then to be in that position. Until you have been there you will not know why some women accept that and you will not understand it. I've been there and done that and it was horrible but my 'love' from him kept me from seeing what was really going on. The phrase 'Love is blind' is really real and it sucks but some woman are so weak minded ( I can admit I was) that they feel they need a man even if the relationship is so toxic and may feel no other man would want her or or whatever the reason may be.
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 8:47 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I agree, it beats me why!
    older

    Answer by older at 8:50 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • While I agree with you, when I was in that type of relationship, it's like brain washing. They tear you down so badly that you don't think you are worth anything and cannot get anyone better. You are fed that everyday until you don't believe anything else.

    Believe me, it's much easier to see what's going on from the outside. When you are in the middle of it, it's a completely different story.

    So, I guess what I am saying is to be thankful that you are not in a relationship like that. And, to have some compassion for those of use who were or still are in that kind of relationship since we have lost perspective and it takes some time for us to find ourselves again.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:26 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • kaygia0704......... I too have been there done that.....he got worse as time went on I tried everything he would not grow up or go back to the nice guy I knew and fell in love with so I left his ass !! I deserved better!! so did our son!!!! Even if that meant me being with out a partner
    justgrape723

    Comment by justgrape723 (original poster) at 8:53 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • You never know what is going on in someone's marriage. Therefore you will never know why she decides to stay or why some women decide to leave. No one knows the 24/7s of another's marriage.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 9:07 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • For me it's not a matter of trusting my husband with my children, it's me realizing that a man who puts in 60-80 hours a week at work to support our family deserves some down time at home. He should not be expected to cook, clean or take care of the kids as soon as he comes home. Now in the case of your friend, if I had a husband who would not work, there would be no staying with him (barring something like disability where he is unable to work). I will not support a man, if I have to do it all, I will do it alone.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:46 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

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