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child custody

my only child
father and i not together
never were married
in this state, if unmarried parents, mother has all rights until father files
i think he does not want to go to court (he has mentioned we can work it out ourselves)
i think he does not want to for a few reasons
1-he knows court will go up to 17% of his income (he figures he can pay me less)
2-go to court and his "sexual fetish which broke us up-may be mentioned and become public)

i have filed for and was just approved for food stamps, this will start the state into looking into father paying some support for his child

i am correct in thinking that now, state, and the county i now live in will go after him for support, therefore it will be in the 'system' and at least will have to go to moderation, unless he does not fight the amount? also will the 'system' now need to have something legal as which parent has custody, placement etc?

i will be going for full placement and full custody with him only having visitation if i am around - no unsupervised visitation (he will not like this, but may backdown knowing his 'fetish' may come up)

also i have journal if him not being responsible -leaving her outside by herself -she is three, he had her over hot stove stirring, and she burned herself(no medical report-too slight-thank God not bad), has water heater up past reccomended temp for children in house-sculding temps, he left her in tub with water running, screaming swearinga t me while she was in room, set his other daughters barbies in sexual positions (whatever? that is?)taking her to his moms for the day, staying full weekend, she comes back, hair never combed, he did not take her pink eye drops (i had to start her treatment days all over again)

also called and spoke to therpaist we sawbefore i left, she said that she would testify in court. also i have in journal what therpaist said to me (he does not know) "worried for safty, do not leave daughter alone with him, do not have her naked around him, no sexual boundaries, etc

i am visiting his house today with my daughter, if custody comes up in conversation
what to say, what not to??

any ideas, good stories outcomes, bad ones?
remember we were never married


Asked by fiatpax at 9:44 AM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Yes-yes- YES !!!... The court will SERIOUSLY consider your dated handwritten journal as evidence !!! MOST DEFINITELY ! DO TAKE IT WITH YOU !!! IT IS VERY VALUABLE EVIDENCE !!! ( I took mine with me---and my pics too. And,---the court gave me everything I asked for ! ) AND,---any pics of his terrible place would be considered too... ( But,---be careful, of course, taking those pics ! )...

    Answer by IndigoRose at 1:21 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Hmmm... Well,---Hon, I don't know what State you're in, natch,---BUT, in Ohio, where I live, you wouldn't have to go to court to get child support for your little girl, nor would you have to go to court if you presented all the actual evidence you have as to her father's misconduct and neglience... The Child Support Bureau in Ohio would take care of all that,---set up supervised visitation, set up child support payments which would be directly taken out of his paycheck... Check the Laws in your State about all this ! Many States have Law Libraries that are open to the public where you can do your research...

    VERY GOOD JOB gathering all your evidence, Dear !... Most Moms don't do as thorough a job with that as you've done !!! ( HA !!!... BUT, I DID !!! ) ...GOOD LUCK !!!!

    Answer by IndigoRose at 9:54 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • His fetish won't change the courts mind on anything. His personal preferences in the bedroom have no effect on his visitation rights. The only way it should be brought up in court is if you're telling why you split. Otherwise, it holds no merit.

    Yes, you can take photo's...but it still won't help you with visitation. There is still a chance that he can get unsupervised visitation. As long as you're primary parent, they might not see anything wrong with your DD going over there every other weekend. Ultimately, the judge makes that decision.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:35 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • will my datedhand written journal be looked at in court?
    i assume they will havet o look at, whether court takes it into account and how much- depends on judge - i think
    spoke to lawyers, one said call therapist andsee if she will testify in court, she said she would, but when i spoke toher she was less direct as her opinion, shewatered down she thoughts after i said court, but still i think enough for court to at least order an phy eval- i know if court orders phy eval-they will check both of us out, our homes (he has leaking roof-dripping into buckets in livingroom) i live my mothers house(wealthy area, clean house, excellent school system) no dropping ceiling into buckets, no toilet ready to fall through bathroom floor, no peeling oldpaint=do i take photos of this when i am there today???

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 10:02 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • What is the problem then? Does she have his last name or something?

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 11:01 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • yes, she has his lst name
    do not understand how this effects anything?
    problem is
    the therpaist we wentto as a couple told me on the side she was concerned about him not having sexual boundaries, she said she thinks that he should not be alone with his daughter
    this is the problem

    his fetish is his, but he may not push for anything because he would not want this said in court

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 11:23 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • They take you through court like cattle being herded through a fence so you don't have any time to really show the court/judge anything. The prosecutor does most of the work outside the courtroom. When it's all said and done then you walk in, the P. Atty tells the judge what's up and what has been agreed upon, the judge signs the paper and it's over in about a minute. Dad can't argue about the amount of cs. He has to show his income and they use a formula. They don't care about his bills or other obligations either. They tell him what's up. If he's in to pot/drugs he won't push for custody. He'd be too paranoid and personally I'd help him on the paranoia thing too. I'd be telling him cps will come raid his house ( not true in general but he won't know that!)

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:49 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • p.s. if he doesn't show up for court, you get everything you say you want.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:50 AM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • well, im not going to respond to every issue...but i will say that in ky the state will only go after the father for money unless you get an actual welfare check or if you apply for medicaid they will ask you if the father can provide medical insurance and (if he can) go after him for medical coverage but not actual support. here, the custodial parent has to file for child support or it wont be taken to court for any reason (that i know of) except in cases where the mother actually recieves a check she can cash for money from the state.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 6:31 PM on Dec. 26, 2010