Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What can I do to stop my 4 year old from throwing tantrums? She constantly goes into screaming fits if we tell her she cannot have something.

We have tried getting her what she wants, but it not really what she wants, and the fit starts again. We've tried giving her options instead of saying no. We've tried giving her timeouts when she has fits and explaining to her why we said no in the first place. She usually doesn't want to listen to us and it takes her a very long time to calm down. Why is this happening to us? We are at our wits end trying to figure out our little Aries!

Answer Question

Asked by MiaMaldy at 12:07 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • my 5 yr old punched my mother in the eye the other day b/c he couldn't have a 50 dollar train set at the now she knows what i go through, and i have 2 to deal with!
    it sux. but im hoping he'll grow out of it. i absolutely refuse to take my son anywhere b/c of the same behavior, and noone will help me. we've tried the dr's, counciling, physcologists. nothing. good luck!

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 12:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • STOP giving her what she wants. Then let her throw the tantrum, IGNORE her while she does. Do NOT respond, walk away, don't give any attention to her while she is throwing a tantrum. Once she calms down, talk with her about why she thinks it is ok to throw a tantrum. Tantrums are usually a way to get what the child wants or to get attention.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • i dont know when form sure the tantrums will stop, but the way you handle it is the key to success. Fighting anger with ange never works. My daughter is 5, and she eventually just stops when I ignore her. But I watch to makle sure she doesnt hurt erself.

    Answer by gmk4n1 at 12:11 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • She must have gotten what she wanted at the first tantrum and realized it works, don't give in, it will take some time but it will work.


    Answer by older at 12:14 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • check food labels
    hopefully she isgetting LKAE dyes, because taking this out of her diet will improveher actions within days
    (if this child has issues with it)
    it is not the sugar in the candy it is the red 40
    and lake dyes in alot more than candy

    hopefully this info helps one mom

    lake dyes
    red 40, yellow 5, blue 1 are biggest one used
    banned in other countries
    but US FDA says ok for american people to eat

    imo, it causes a lot of behavoir issues in kids, and migraines in adults

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:30 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • put her in her room, tell her when she's done, then she can come talk to you. of course make sure nothing is breakable or she can't hurt herself, and listen in on her. but totally ignore her.

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:44 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • for one do not give her anything when she is throwing her tantrums . If home pick her up and put her in her room and tell when she is done she can come out. you keep doing it tell she see you will not stop, You must be stronger than her.
    If at a store take her to the car you may have to go home, but do it.

    Kids are very smart they know all they have to do is wear you out and they win. lol
    Also very important the less you say the better. act like nothing, be firm and just say no!!

    People always did ask me how come my kids don't throw tantrums at the store? I would say I'm firm with them and they know if they are bad they will get nothing but if they are good they will something. It worked!!


    Answer by gammie at 1:31 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • My almost 4 y/o dd's tantrums were bad. I have been using these methods. I get down on eye level and speak cleary and calmly, soothing her until I have her attention. I say I know you are angry, upset, etc. right now and I understand. It is ok to be mad, but it's not ok to behave this way. Then explain that the rules are the rules, period. There is no haggling. I tell her we have to use our words. I don't understand when she cries and whines. The biggest thing is consistency. If you give in sometimes, you will have tantrums when she wants to get her way. Please be patient, this method takes time but it works. Good luck.

    Answer by a_brown23 at 2:12 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Its best to just walk away and dont say anything, act like you don't notice it. They will quit after awhile.

    Answer by Alta2008 at 8:56 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.