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Me and Hubby is at odds adult content

Hubby and I got into it early this morning. He woke me up wanting sex and got mad when I told him no. I had a baby and got my tubes tied 4wks ago and is still having some pain. idk these past couple of weeks he has be an asshole. Don't get me wrong he is as sweet as can be never physically or verbally abuse me, but lately he act like he got a stick stuck up his ass. He get mad when I discpline our son, when i tell ds to do something he tells him to do the opposite. Which piss me off because I am the one that has to be with them 90% of the time. He don't want to get up with dd in the middle of the night when its time for a diaper change. I can count on one hand how many times he has change her diaper. He thinks because he makes more money than I do that its okay for him to slack off at home. the past couple of weeks that he has been off he is out with friends at night, which I don't mind because he works 14 to 16 hrs a day and deserve some time to his self but he also can take time to spend with his family. because of this I am having to do everything. I cook, clean, wash clothes, make sure the kids are fed and clean(breastfeeding so that is time consuming). When dd is sleep during the day time (haven't got on a schedule yet) ds is running around into everything. When ds is sleep at night dd is up wanting to eat every hour on the hour. This is not including picking up after hubby. Any ways he ask for sex I told him no he got mad and ask for a bj I told him no. I had just gotten dd down and I was exhausted(this was around 2am when he came in drunk from a Christmas Party that was up the road). I had asked him to stay home with us last night but he went out instead and left me with two kids who was wide awake and had no intention of going to sleep. I told him if he could have helped me around the house I would have considered the bj. He then went about that i could handle taking care of the kids if he could handle working 14hrs a day. I talked to my bf about it and she said that I should have "took care" of him because if i won't some else will. What should I do ladies? I want compromise if he help me out with the kids and the house then I wouldn't mind "taking care of him". I am going back to work in two wks and idk how i am going to do it. And I have told him what I am telling you guys but he so stuck in his ways that he is not listening to me.

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nicjon

Asked by nicjon at 1:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,698 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • sounds he is being selfish. He does need to compromise with you. You are doing a lot of work. I used to tell my ex you may do phyiscal work and that's easy to recover from but my work is more emotionally draining. That is harder than doing physical work all day. They just don't know how stressful it is b/c they don't take care of kids 24/7. I wouldn't have given him one either. He at least needs to listen and consider your situation.
    iluvmybabe

    Answer by iluvmybabe at 1:45 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Never use sex as a reward that will only make him resent you, honestly, if you want to tame the beast or a-hole, give him some. I know that sounds horrible but a sexually happy man will do almost anything you ask and be more helpful around the house. The way to a mans heart and happiness has nothing to do with their stomach, it has to do with their man parts. God I hate saying that but it is true. Once you have him happy again start telling him what you need help with, don't ask or assume he knows, they don't.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:10 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I agree with luckysevenwow and your best friend. If however after being very intimate over a long period of time and you still don't see him helping you out at all.. then you need to sit down and talk about it with him and seek out some counseling.
    momofonelilguy

    Answer by momofonelilguy at 2:19 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • you're probably not going to like what i have to say, but its what i've learned from years of similar experience....(1) never deny your hubby sex. even if you're still a bit sore, there are ways to manage. make him promise to be gentler. (2) stop complaining and fussing at him. after so much criticism me shut down and become even bigger assholes. nagging is NOT the way to get him to help. (3) for the next week or so be a nice as you possibly can to him, do as much work at home as you possibly can, and even offer sex or a bj before he asks....he'll notice after a few days that he has NO REASON to be a dick and his behavior will seem that much worse when compared to your niceness. he'll eventually come around. if he doesnt, then it may be time to seriously re-evaluate wether or not this marriage is healthy for you. but trust me, there IS truth to the saying "kill them with kindness!"
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 2:21 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • LMAO! Maybe if he helped take care of you, you'd take care of him! We didn't have sex 4 weeks after I had my babies. My hubby helped around the house. I wasn't so exhausted. So I did have energy to give to him. It's about compromise. If he can't give you any time, why should you? The whole, 'if you don't take care of him, someone else will' thing is bullshit. It goes both ways. Because honey, there are GOOD men out there that WILL stay home with you and help you with the babies. That won't go out drinking and partying then expecting a damn blowjob at 2am.
    Pitching a fit when you say no, you are tired, is not going to put you in the mood. He wants to be treated like a man, he can act like a man. And treat you like a woman, like the mother of his children, who just gave birth.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:30 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Very good answer Raine and I totally agree with you!! I really feel sorry for the women that believe that they HAVE to give their man sex any time he wants it just to keep him happy because they have no idea what a truly good loving man is.

    Go ahead ladies and vote me down, but in your heart of hearts, you KNOW I am right. If your husband really loves you, then he is not going to stray just because you told him "no" about sex. Further more, a truly loving and caring man would help with the kids and understand that you are tired especially just after giving birth!!

    The OP's husband needs a good kick in the ass!! Not a damn blow job or sex!!
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 4:25 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Raine and Spirited...nobody is saying more sex will stop a man from straying, but a mans emotional well being is wrapped up in sex. That isn't just talk, men are built that way, you meet a mans physical needs he will meet your emotional needs. I've been married for 20 years, since I was 18 years old, it was a whole lot of trial and error to make it this long and in 20 years (and 8 kids) I have figured out a thing or two. I tell him no to sex, you don't have to give in every time they ask, but they shouldn't have to get to point were they are basically begging you to give them some. Her husband does need to step up, no one said differently but if you want more from your partner you have to give a little also.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 4:41 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • luckyseven, I've been married since I was 15 ... 25 years, so I do have some idea of what I'm talking about. For the last three years or so, our sex life has been almost non-existent because of health issues and neither one of us has strayed.

    If she is too exhausted from doing everything and his dumbass has been out partying, then he doesn't DESERVE sex, much less a blow job! HE needs to be the one stepping up here, NOT her. HE is in the wrong. HE is being an ass and needs his kicked!!
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 5:06 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • "then he doesn't DESERVE sex"

    See this is the problem, sex shouldn't be used to punish a person. Exhausted.....let me tell you exhausted. In 19 years I can count the number of times I have gotten a full nights rest and not had to get up and be doing all the things she is talking about, I know exhausted and I have a husband who is barely home, due to his hours at work, I get what she is saying and you keep missing where I say her husband NEEDS to step up, but what I can almost guarantee is that her husband is feeling rejected, doesn't matter if it is irrational or stupid, because feeling rejected is not always logical. They are both feeling rejected, but some one has got to take the first step and not let this fester until it is a problem to big to hurdle...so who makes the first step? Nagging a person will not get you what you want, it's going to get the opposite effect....continued
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 5:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • The more you push the harder someone pulls.

    "For the last three years or so, our sex life has been almost non-existent because of health issues and neither one of us has strayed. "

    This is completely different, we aren't talking about someone who has health issues. We are talkiing about a woman who is perfectly healthy, albeit tired, woman.

    If she want's to dig in her heels she can. She can say no all she wants but just don't expect him to be all cheery and helpful when his body needs...not wants sex, and I quote.

    "Sex is not typically thought of as a biological need because it fulfills other physical and mental needs necessary for the generation and maintenance of good overall health. It is no longer thought of as a biological need because sex has developed to mean much more within society. It has been researched and is associated with other factors than simply the process of procreation."
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 5:45 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

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