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If you 15-16yo didn't want to go out with the family would you make them go anyway?

For my sons, not going with us was not an option when they were still in school & living here. Family time was mandatory and being an anti-social teen was never acceptable. We had one time where our now 24yo was around 15 or 16 and he refused to put his shoes on, he wasn't going with us. My husband put his shoes on him and marched him down the stairs, handed him his jacket and walked him out to the car. He ended up having a great time with us and now, at 24, has thanked us for not allowing him to be anti-social. All 4 of our sons are glad that we made the rule "bedrooms are only for sleeping" rule, they never had a chance to hibernate and they are glad for that. They had active social lives and spent a lot of time with friends but family supper was never an option, it was a must, eeven if we ate at 10p. Once a weekend they went out with us (Friday night, Saturday night or Sunday afternoons) and they could go out with friends once on weekends as well. Family time was JUST AS important as time with friends.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I think that's a good thing that you would make them go with you. I remember when I was a teenager I was always going out with my friends, but I don't really remember doing much with my family (they didn't really do too much). It would've been nice to have some more family memories. I think as long as you let them have a social life & go out w/ friends then it's ok to make them go w/ you too. My kids are only 2 and 7 but I'm sure I will try to enforce family activities when they are teens too.
    andreab562

    Answer by andreab562 at 1:59 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • If you were my parents, I definitely would've gone away to school. BTW, you mean "unsocial" or "unsociable." Antisocial is torturing animals, feeling no remorse, etc.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 1:49 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • i personally would not make my teen go out a(when she is a teen)and my parents never really made me go out. i went out plenty with them and with my friends and i did the hibernation on the phone thing in my room also and i dont think its anti social behavior its just growing up. its just normal teen bahavior. every family is different to each their own.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 1:49 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Oddly, none of my kids left us so yeah, they had no issues with us having them spend time with us as a family. All of them have thaanked us because they see the relationships their friends have with their parents and they are almost non-existant. My sons are 19, 20, 23 and 24 and they LIKE to spend time with us. Once a week we have family supper and 2-3 times a week they come over to just visit. We go out and ddo things as a group often. So, they don't hate us for making family time mandatory and not allowing them to hibernate in their rooms. The TV, computer and game system were in a central location, no one vegged out away from their family. As adults they are close to each other and to us and their girlfriends are also big parts of our family. they got to go out with friends, spend time with girlfriends, were involved in sports AND they spent time with us. What's wrong with that?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • i was never forced to go with my parents any where as a teen. I know i always did do lots with them but i was never made to if i didnt want to go. I wasnt a unsocial teen i had friends and did things with both family and friends and of course i hung out in my room for me time i think thats normal child or teen behavior. I wont force my boys when they are teens to hang out with us cuz honestly that could have backfired on you your just lucky it never did. I hope that my boys will enjoy hanging with his parents once in a while and understand family is importent.
    Jaxsmommy09

    Answer by Jaxsmommy09 at 2:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • by the way there is nothing wrong with how you raised them. I have a wounderfull relationship with my family and go visist a couple times a week and still have dinner together and my husband who was never asked to do anythin as ateen with his parents is very close with his family to as we all get together a couple times a week usually for meals and events. we all go camping together and on vactions together.
    Jaxsmommy09

    Answer by Jaxsmommy09 at 2:31 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • i didn't like going to town to eat bc i liked staying home and taking walks by myself. i liked having "me" time and i was basically an only child. i think time alone is very important too
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 3:02 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I do allow my children the option to stay home, but it really depends on what it is. If I have planned a day for us to something together as a family, they go with us. If its just me needing to go run some errands and maybe out to eat, they have the option to join us or stay home. Most of the time our boys go with us, its rare that they don't. They typically have their friends over at our house on weekends at least one night to watch movies. No TV's, Phones, or computers in their bedrooms either. My boys are always in the livingroom or kitchen with me or out with friends, the computer is in a centeralized location, next to the living room. They don't look themselves away, if there are weekends are busy with friends, I will ask when they plan to fit me in and they always change plans to have one night with me, whether its friends over or no friends. I hope that it will keep us close when they move on with their lives.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • OP here...when I say that our children weren't allowed to stay home I don't mean when it came to trips to the grovcery sstore or to run basic errands. They were not allowed to opt out of family outings (which were always arranged around their plans with their friends or, as they got older, their work schedule AND plans with friends....if they had plans for Friday then our plans were for Sat. night or Sunday evening). if they didn'r want to go to the movies, out to eat, bowling, to play Putt Putt, etc. they STILL had to go with us and they ALWAYS ended up having a good time. They were not permitted to opt out, stay home and not socialize with their family. With 4 sons close in age (5 years between the 1st and 4th) going in 4 different directions and a dad who worked long hours making sure that we had family time was important. So, family meals were never an option, they were ALWAYS mandatory, game night at home
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • 2-4 nights month were mandatory, movie night 1-2 times a month were mandatory and going out as a family once a week on Friday night, Saturday night or Sunday afternoon/evening was also mandatory. No opting out. They could and often did invite friends over for game night, movie night and supper. They also had PLENTY of time to spend with friends. They were not deprived of socializing with their friends and they were not allowed to deprive themselves of family time. We feel that he family that eats together and plays together stays together....that's just our feelings.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:40 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

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