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6 Bumps

How do you get over something that happened in your past...

Im going through a divorce right now and My x did some pretty horrible things.. We got into fist fights when I was 7 months pregnant.. He got another girl pregnant the month we got married but I didnt find out about it until after I had my daughter.. he has choked me, pushed me into doors and left bruises on my leg and busted open my csection 2 weeks after I had my daughter. In between all that he would go to bed when me and the kids got up and he would get up at night when we went to bed.. all just to play xbox.. I have a great boyfriend now that loves me and would do anything for me and my kids but I seem to treat him bad because of what he did to me.. I have been padlocked inside a house with the windows nailed shut from the outside not to mention other things that Im not comfortable disclosing but I really need help getting over all this so I can move on before I loose one of the greatest men I have ever had..CAN ANYBODY CAN HELP ME?

 
momof241988

Asked by momof241988 at 3:07 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,285 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Therapy. Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this? That might help, too. I don't have any other advice to offer, I don't know how to let go of things. I don't know how to move on, either. I know it takes time. I know people say that if you can't forgive, you can't move forward. But to me, somethings aren't forgivable. So, I just can't forgive. I continue to hate. And I'm sure that it's eating at me, but I can't help it. I just can't do anything else. Legally, I can't do what I want to do.
    But, I think you need a very good therapist. And, at some point, your BF should go with you. So he can see the progress, so he can learn how to recognize signs to watch for, and how to react. So it doesn't damage your relationship. (like, if I'm tickled, at some point I have a full panic attack). And, if your BF can't deal, he's isn't for you. My hubby dealt, he's still here. I put him through hell. He's here, 15 years later.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • You have gotten used to this treatment. You think its normal. Its not hard to get over and you will probably need some help doing so. I read a book a few years back, Perfect Victim: The True Story of "The Girl in the Box" Not the same situation but some similarities. You will need to seek help if you can afford it. Good Luck and Im so sorry you had to endure any of that. Glad you are getting the hell out of dodge.

    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 3:16 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Thats a tough situation you were in. Remind yourself. WERE.

    I know it is difficult to let go of the horrible things from the past, but perhaps you should seek some form of counseling to help you. You realize you don't want to push this new man away. Take your time with the new boyfriend, as you stated you are going through a divorce. Im not saying don't date, but take it slow.

    Good luck to you Momma!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like the other poster's had some really good idea's and advice for you. Just wanted to send some cyber hugs. Nobody deserves to go through something like that and I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 3:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Well , you have already taken the first step to recovery, getting out and away from your ex.
    What you went through was very traumatizing, to say the least. Therapy, time, patience, honesty, and courage is what it will take to get over it. And while, it is wonderful to have a good gemlike your current, only YOU can get over this. You will need all the support you can get, but also make sure that you don't become dependent on your current for validation and peace in this matter. Don't make him the "reason" your life is better. He should just add to it.
    And maybe you just need to tell him everything.. Get it out. And talk about what he should do when you have episodes or flash backs. A safe word, or hug.. He may want to help too.
    Good luck to you!
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 3:42 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Sometimes my hubby will do something my ex husband did, I'll tell him, and he will tell me, 'I'm NOT Mike'. You will have to retrain yourself. So, if you think, if you trust that this guy is THE guy, then you need to tell him. So he can work with you on retraining yourself. So, when you tell yourself out loud that this is NOT your ex, he won't think you are crazy. And he will be able to support you better.
    Also, you can keep a journal. My last therapist wanted me to do that. I stopped going because every time I went, he asked if I was married and had kids. ??? Dude took notes, but didn't ever look at them. So I stopped going, was a waste of time.
    I guess, until you find a good therapist, which may take some time because they aren't all good, you should work on communication with your BF, and work on retraining yourself, how you think. Remind yourself that this is a good guy, and he treats you GOOD. All that kind of thing.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 3:43 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Try going joining a group of abouse woman or seeing a thearptist or church group.Just trust him tell you can't good luck..
    Betutah

    Answer by Betutah at 7:24 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Thank you and he is here still.. he knows about most of it but some of it is still hard for me to talk about.. he is a wonderful guy that will sit and listen to me even if i repeat the same thing over and over.. I am seeking help through a therapist just havent found one yet... I even have flashbacks sometimes and even retraumanization.. some things he does sends me back to those moments but he doesnt realize it or even know.. there are to many things that happened to make my bf stop... he would have to stop living for me to stop being retraumatized... at some point during the day it happens... no matter what i do
    momof241988

    Comment by momof241988 (original poster) at 3:22 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • you need counseling. Someone to help you sort through all of those feelings and make sure you keep your daughter safe away from that idiot.
    tymma11

    Answer by tymma11 at 2:05 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

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