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What would you do if you knew your husband were planning on cheating on you?

I was being a snoop and read my husband's text messages. It is clear he is planning on cheating with this woman. What should I do?!? We are a young couple and he settled down without having been "wild"... but still... Should I just let this go and forget I never read those messages? I'm crushed.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:33 AM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Do not ignore it. It will eat you up. I agree with the previous poster that he needs a wake up call. I don't agree that he has checked out of the marriage. You need to find out why he felt he had to chat with another woman. You are going to think that he doesn't care about you or that you are not good enough. That's normal. But, don't assume that he doesn't care about you if he is doing this. Guys can separate sex and love. I'm not justifying it, but I believe it. You can reconnect before he goes to far. Just talk to him calmly and find out his feelings. You are going to go through a wave of emotions but hopefully you can work it out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • It's clear he doesn't want to settle down.I assume you have children?Alot of men are afraid of the responsibilities parenting,marriage and providing for the family can bring.I suspect he is trying to escape from these.Are you madly in love,do you fight alot,what about?Are you sexually happy,why would he be doing this?I'd have a talk with him about these things.I'm sorry you are going thru this..

    Answer by countingsparows at 5:47 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Wow. I would die. I can't imagine. I don't see how you could let this go. I would confront him... calmly.
    It may not be what you think. Or maybe you can work out the issues before he goes too far. I agree with the previous poster, men do have a lot of fears around settling down. Sometimes the attention of another woman is a distraction from that. But, cheating is just not okay. Letting this go would not do either one of you any good.
    Good luck. Here's hoping it's all a misunderstanding.

    Answer by CluelessCarrie at 6:34 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • what i did was to let my SO know that he was going to get himself into trouble... he was posting his cell on the web... so i just kept reminding him " you have a lot to lose"... "things aren't going to be good if you keep txting other girls" even tho i never told him exactly how i knew he was doing it...

    but i give you credit for not jumping on him and lashing out. that would be so much easier to do. keep reminding him of what you guys have together. but hten again- if he's cheating- maybe its not there anymore. and if you do catch him- don't be anybody's sloppy seconds! never sleep with him ever again!!!!

    Answer by alwms at 7:45 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would confront him also. If you wants to sleep with other women then he shouldn't be married. To me it's very clear he doesn't take marriage serious. BTW, if you do confront him don't let him try to turn the tables on you about reading his text and what not. HUGS.


    Answer by Christinemg0813 at 7:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • If he's PLANNING on cheating, he's already checked out of the relationship. Planning is as good as doing it in my eyes. It would make me question him and the sincerity of our relationship.............even if he ended up never cheating.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 7:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Confront him, there is a reason you found those messages in time. Nothing should hold you back from trying to save your marriage. Don't make excuses for cheating, there is no excuse. He doesn't need to be "wild, he needs a wake up call.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would start immediately to pour all the love on him that I could dump on one person. I would make him feel like so much of a man that he would never want to go anywhere else to find love. I would make myself the most attractive that I possibly could in every way I possibly could. I would make her look like Raggedy Ann in comparison. I would send him love notes, put them on his pillow, leave them by the bathroom sink, wherever he will be sure to see them. I would, in short, fight for my man. Not having been wild doesn't have anything to do with it. It's more a lack of commitment to the marriage, so hold on to what's yours. Don't give up so easily.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:38 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would talk to him about it, but be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear. I honestly don't know how hard i'd be willing to fight for a man who doesn't want to be here with me. I think that consider what you want and what you don't want would be really important before you go into the discussion. Can you honestly ever forget, forgive or get over knowing that he doesn't want to be faithful? Ask yourself these questions so that you are prepared before the discussion with him. Don't threaten him, just state the facts as calmly as you can and make sure he understands how hurt you are, try not to cry too much so he can't just say oh well she's being overly emotional....

    good luck and sorry about your situation.

    Answer by r2mommy at 8:45 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Start looking for a place to go. You shouldn't tolerate even him "thinking" about Cheating. It shows he has no respect for the relationship and family he has. Forget him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2008