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How would you handle this??

Just came from a family reunion on my husbands side everything was fine for awhile and then when we started cleaning up I had said something about dumping the dish that I had taken in with another of the same thing and one of my husbands uncles came back with a nasty remark about me being so many years younger then him and that I could do it myself and when I said something to my husband about this he started jumping all over me and telling while being nasty "good job with starting something with my family next time I'll just leave you at home" Then this same uncle kept telling me that I needed to start potty training my 14 month old and that he should already be almost potty trained. I didn't say anything just walked away but was upset and also upset with my husband for his response towards me. I just don't know what to do because this happens every time we go to anything on his mom's side(his parents are divorced). This uncle is gay and doesn't have any children of his own.

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Autumnlover68

Asked by Autumnlover68 at 6:34 PM on Jul. 6, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • 14 months is a bit young to potty train. Don't worry hon, I had someone telling me I should only breastfeed every 4 hours and to do any more would teach my child to manipulate me. Total BS and I told the person so.

    It doesn't sound like you were starting in with your husband's family so I don't know why he is getting so defensive. His remark to you was totally uncalled for. Sounds like you need to sit down with him and have a talk about it. Try to remain calm (if you get defensive then so will he) and try not to blame him or his family. Just point out how the comments made you feel and ask for his support next time. Let him know you would've done the same for him.
    amethystrse

    Answer by amethystrse at 6:38 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • It just sounds to me like his Uncle is nitpicking to get something going. Of course your husband will stick up for his uncle..(alot of men see blood thicker than water signs!) even though he should stick up for you.I wouldn't even oblige his quest to irritate you, just do as you do and say nothing until you get home and if your husband doesn't take your side tell him remember that when YOU choose not to be a part of these functions. I have a totally malfunctioning family with horrible " you do this or else" attitudes so I do not attend anymore unless I can only make an appearance and leave right away. I cannot tolerate drama in my life anymore and refuse to be subjected to it. Good luck honey and well wishes to you and yours.
    kwazylisa

    Answer by kwazylisa at 7:01 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • the old man has no idea what to do about things. hes just sticking his nose in stuff he has no idea what hes talking about. just ignore him. or u can do what i do, i avoid the family situations where i dont get along with the people. i know that i wouldnt have any fun being there, and they arent missing out on anything with me not there, so i let everyone else go, and i have the day to myself!
    kissmiss213

    Answer by kissmiss213 at 7:48 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • The best thing to do is simply say... "Thank you for your opinion, my husband and I will take it under consideration". Casually mention the request to your husband and the next time the uncle brings it up you can simply say... "Yes, I told my husband and maybe you should speak to him about it." No confrontations and your husband might get more involved in your baby's upbringing. I have a very similar family member on my husband's side and believe me the worst thing you can do is to get upset about it. Good luck!
    happy2BAmom80

    Answer by happy2BAmom80 at 8:07 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I would brush-off his uncle's comment. Remember, people say things to see if they can get under your skin. About the potty training, definately ignore petty remarks like his bc its not always an easy process. Also, try not to be "very" angry at your husband. I know easier said then done, but a lot of times people tend to be offensive when if comes to controversy between family and spouse. Key point, don't let ppl ruin your day, bc when your upset and letting it eat you away.. that person who ruined your day is sleeping good and gains power....
    mrsfarris

    Answer by mrsfarris at 11:29 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • Let it go... there's no use in arguing with the uncle or your husband about it. You just keep raising your son however you want, and just let him keep making comments. They're family, but that doesn't mean you'll ever get along.
    crazysocks830

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 11:37 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • respond to your husband that if he wants to not run interference and tell his uncle to back off you in his own way you'll do it. nad then he can see what kind of shit you will start because you've had enough and as his husband he should have your back always, even when you are wrong.,
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 11:41 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • Screw him! Do you want us moms to get him? He has no children therefore he does not know. I love how everyone knows whats best for your baby...not true hun your the mommy so you do what you feel...k.
    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 1:06 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • first things first i'd likr to point out that i actually MET your 14month old. and i think you're right-he's not ready! esp. with his condition. besides that your hubby's uncle can't possibly know anything about raising kids and therefor should butt out. My MIL is very pushy with her advice and tries to push her opinion on me all the time. i've become a fan of this phrase to handle things calmly "i appreciate your opinion and i'll take it under consideration when making the best decision on (fill in the blank)" it shows her i've listened and makes her feel like maybe i might take her advice but put me under no obligation to follow through with it. but besides all that you just didn't strike me as the conflict starting type person, and it doesn't sound like you tried to start anything here...
    MrazikMommy

    Answer by MrazikMommy at 8:48 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • i am sorry this is late but i just read it. im a little upset with your hubby. he should have definded you and not been so mean. im so sorry. as far as you little one. you are mom and you know when the right time to potty train is. just put your head up and know you are a great mom. im here for you. sending you lots of hugs.
    monny033

    Answer by monny033 at 8:03 AM on Sep. 12, 2008

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