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I would like others perspectives on my twenty year old daughter?

My daughter turned twenty Nov. 16, and she has a one year old son and he is a great baby. Now she has a problem with using people to get what she wants. Things have been getting tough with the economy as it is and I have been having problems finding another job since mine ended. So I asked her to help with bills and help with food in the house she has been eating and staying here. Well she don't feel that she needs to and then when she gets angry with anyone she uses her son as a leverage. Now she does not treat her son very well and she will hit on him, when she gets bored she will decide to play with him. Other than that she will put him off on anyone that she can. Now I have younger children and I don't want them to act like her and anyone help me with this.

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Asked by Lovingthegame at 5:26 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 7 (153 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am 24 and have 2 children and I could never disrespect my mother in the way that she is you. With her staying there I agree that she needs to step up and help with the bills and food. That is being an adult and being responsible. As far as the way she treats her son, she needs a rude awakening. She cannot go along treating her child that way. This sounds way too much like my sister. She no longer has her son my mom does.

    Answer by amber1330 at 5:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Maybe she needs to get another place... you two seem bad for each other, I doub its just her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • That is sad that your daughter would not be willing to help out. She has to understand things are not always free in life. There is nothing wrong with you wanting her to be responsible so that if and when she does move on in life she will be prepared. Using her child as a leverage is simply awful. If she does not treat her son very well, you need to step in. That should not be tolerated. I think you should sit down and have a long talk with your daughter as to the rules that need to change. If you want things to change it is your home, and you need to make that part clear. Setting rules does not mean you love your daughter any less, just that you are only trying to do the best for her. It sounds like she needs to be more respectful to you. I hope things change...

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 5:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I think the ages of 18 & 20-23, kids can be the most difficult, at least in my experience with 3 sons. They don't always realize that we work hard to take care of a family & that they are now adults that need to start contributing to the cost of supporting them, that they aren't just "entitled" because we're their parents. I have 3 boys & have been through this in varying degrees w all of them. The oldest moved in & out a number of times before he began to really stand on his own 2 feet, the middle 1 seemed to learn fairly quickly & has had a good attitude about contributing & doing his share (although, occasionally I have to remind him) & we've had our hands full with the youngest age 19 this year. He just moved out on his own & won't drop out of school. I see that you're situation is complicated with the baby. We made ours pay for their vehicles & phone & $100 a month toward food if they aren't in school. Good Luck!

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Tell her she has a certain amount of time to move out, 1 month 2,3. How ever much time you like. That is what I would do.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:40 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I would sit her down and tell her that if she wants to live under your roof then you have rules that you expect her to follow even if she is an adult, otherwise she can move out and find her own place. Let her know what you expect of her and also that she cannot use her son as leverage or take care of him only when she feels like it. You need to step in and do something about that, it is her kid she needs to step up or maybe she needs to think about giving him up if she can't handle the responsibility yet, just an idea.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 6:10 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Either she pays or she gets out. It's that simple. Put your foot down and stop babying her.She was old enough to have a baby now she needs to take responsbility for him and herself and as long as you let her, she will walk all over you.

    Answer by Cindy18 at 6:34 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Time to grow up. If she can have children then she can learn to be responsible which includes treating her children with respect.

    Answer by starflower57 at 11:38 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • This is tougher because of the baby. Ordinarily I would say just tell her my way or the highway, but it doesn't sound like she is being a responsible parent. I would tell her if she intends to stay with you, the very first thing she has to do is take parenting classes, and I would make sure I discussed my concerns with the teacher or with some type of counselor. Good luck to you.

    Answer by elasmimi at 6:08 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • O my God she sounds like my 19 yr old daughter SELFISH Your daughter could get help from the state & get a job. She needs to participated or get out. You're putting your heart out to your grandson & that's what you should do as a grandmother but as a mom People are telling me "all" the time to be tough love I'm trying...I suggest you do the same to your daughter. Stop thinking with your heart think what your brain is telling you to do...and do it.. Good luck

    Answer by bmwlover at 7:50 PM on Jan. 5, 2011

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