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How do you recover from losing a child?

After it happened I shut myself off, completely. I'm a single mother, I just worked and worked. Literally I worked 20 hours a day, slept 4 then went back to work (I own my own business). All it acheived was making more money. FInally I started to realise it's been months and I havent interacted with anyone. Nobody talks to be anymore. I don't have family nearby and 'I Lost a child' seems to be a swear word. I can't even think of her. I miss her so much and no one will talk to me about her, no one. I'm just broken. I've done nothing fun for motnhs. Just worked and worked and worked and worked and worked some more. Just preteneded she was still here. Then I started drinking today and remember cafemom so I stopped drinking and asked my sister if I could use her account for this evening since she's in sri lanka for christmas and wouldn't be on so here I am. I'm looking for answers and the answers section seemed the best place to go. I don't know how to function even tips would be good. I'm just not whole anymore. I don't think i've swtiched on a tv in months even.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • hugsI'd suggest getting some counseling. Best wishes hon.

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • well first you need to just go to her grave or wherever she is laid to rest and allow yourself to grieve. that is the first step.....accepting that it has happened instead of avoiding it (that's what you've been doing). after that you might want to seek out a support group in your area (where i live there are alot of different support groups for basically everything listed in the 'community events' section of the paper). that would be a great place to get support and advice, and also to meet other people who are going through the same thing as you. but i wish you the best of luck.....i don't think you ever really get over it, but not every day is going to be this hard. i have not lost a child (thank the lord), but someone very close to me has. it's very hard, but the first step is to allow yourself to grieve.

    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:30 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • There is a support group here in cm called grieving the loss of a child, I just looked it up. Maybe getting with other parents who have lost a child will help you feel connected. No one understands the pain involved with loosing a child beside someone who has been there. Im so sorry for your loss. God Bless
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 8:31 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • hugs  I have no answers for you I just want you to know what you are feeling is normal and okay.  There has to be a support group in your area you could contact.  Check the website of a local hospital and find out if they have any community out reach programs.  You say this only happened a few months ago, you are still in the early stages of grief, you should see a counselor , someone who can also treat you for depression.  I wish you all the best, but I don't think you should try to go it alone.  Sometimes we need to lean on professionals and others who have had a similar grief to carry.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:32 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I don't know hun!! I am SO sorry!!!! I am sending prayers!
    clovismommy25

    Answer by clovismommy25 at 8:33 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • You NEVER fully recover after loosing a child... im sorry you are going through this.. you just learn to cope with it and remember that he or she is in a wonderful place.. that was a part of you that you were loosing but just know it wasnt your fault.. go to a group where people that have been through the same thing can conversate with you and help you through it
    momof241988

    Answer by momof241988 at 8:34 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Im so sorry, I know that pain and Its kind of painful to tell you this but In my case the answer is you don't, with time it will become bearable but I don't think is a full recovery from something like this you just learn to live with the pain 1 day at the time if you want to cry your eyes out for a month its ok because if you keep it inside it will consume you. After you know that your eyes can possibly produce more tears then you can pull yourself out of it, don't expect to anyone to understand unless they have experienced most of the "friends" might avoid you like if what happened to you was contagious but the ones who don't even if they don't want to talk about it are your real friends and eventually they might help you to carry on because in the end there is nothing else that we can do.


    hugging

    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 8:38 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • hugs to you......cannot imagine
    haysmum

    Answer by haysmum at 8:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • First of all, I am so sorry this happened to you. There is nothing worse. Second, I would def go into grief counseling, as butterflyblue suggested Third, many communities have bereavement support groups. My town does. It's called Friends Way. I believe it is part of a National organization. Fourth, I don't know if you like to read, but many authors have written beautifully about their own experiences of losing a child. Ann Hood wrote The Knitting Circle after losing her daughter. It's her heartfelt true story of how she reluctantly learned to knit and joined a knitting circle and how the friendships formed there helped save her. Fifth, exercise. Even if it means just walking around your block for starters. Exercise will help lift you out of your depression. And you will meet new people. Best of luck to you.
    Inloveagain

    Answer by Inloveagain at 8:41 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • And do not drink by yourself It will just make it worse, I tried to get numbed like that and it will make you feel so bad that its not even worth it, if you have bible look for this john 11:24 gl to you
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 8:48 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

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