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3 Bumps

can mother of my grandson request me seeing him in cafe only?

She says she doesn't want me to come to her house and she doesn't want to come to mine. I don't want 4 month old baby being dragged to cafes for me to see him. At the same time I think there is already blame culture being established for me canceling meeting them when I had emergency due to radiator leaking and toilet flush system needing replacement. Her mum told me on the phone that she would bend over backwards to see grandchild so it looks they both are already teaming against me. She doesn't have good relationship with my son and she is not living with him. I also have 5 year old and husband to look after. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
wnuczek

Asked by wnuczek at 8:53 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • not sure but if this a court ordered visitation then you can ask for a mediator on this, otherwise I dont think most states give grandparent rights unless you can hire a lawyer to fight for your rights under certain circumstances.
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 8:58 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • if i wanted to see my grandson i would just go and see him. it's a cafe.....it's not like she's asking you to meet them in a back alley or an abandoned house lol. it's a public place, and that's usually what you do if you are not comfortable being alone with someone. i'm sure you could have someone babysit your husband and 5yo while you go see him for a couple of hours.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:59 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I think if you make it to see the baby at the cafe, consistently no cancelling, she will be more willing to go to a more intimate setting, like your house or her house. But you have to be consistent, or she can just revoke.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 9:02 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I would go the cafe at first, see how things went. Don't talk about negative things regarding her, the baby's father or anything - keep 100% focused on your grandchild. After a few visits the mother might loosen up and let the visits take place in a home. If not, courts are starting to see more and more the value of grandparents in a child's life, so you can file a petition for visitation. If you have an established relationship with the child, that helps in court. Like I said, in the meantime, go to the visits, 100% attention on the grandchild, make sure you send cards for birthdays, and don't cancel visits unless 100% absolutely necessary.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:03 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Thanks for such prompt replies! I only cancelled once and it was absolutely necessary. She cancelled several times by now and she always comes up with all sorts of excuses. Once she allowed my son to take the baby to come to my home but on return she went into massive argument with him over being apparently late 15 minutes?! I witnessed all this commotion with my daughter who broke down crying as she couldn't understand why mum of my grandson is shouting. It is very difficult situation and I have to say I don't feel I want to be dragged into some relationship with her if she is so unstable. There is some blame culture going on in her family. I might need to stay away?
    wnuczek

    Comment by wnuczek (original poster) at 9:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Do not stay way. You can have a relationship with your grandchild and still not get involved in the politics of this bitterness. You will regret it if you stay away, and then it will be very, very, very difficult to get back in when you do want to.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:17 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • She already has been in my home twice before she was pregnant. She seemed nice girl and after second my visit to her house and me helping to wash her dishes and tidying around she had first major argument with my son upstairs when I was feeding baby downstairs. It seems very odd to me she now wants me to see baby only in cafe.
    wnuczek

    Comment by wnuczek (original poster) at 9:24 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Yes she can because she is the child's MOM, you are just a grandparent. It is not up to you. If you want to see your grandchild just go to the cafe, if not, your loss.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 9:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I think it is nice that she is letting you have a relationship with the child at all. I have to say, I would be PISSED if my ex brought my dd home later then we said, Is it court ordered? If not, instead of thinking negativly about her, how bout thinking about the fact that she is letting HER baby go see people who she doesn't get along with so that the baby can have a relationship with both sides of it's family.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:30 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I LOVE what bbauseimthemom said, play by the baby's mother's rules or not at all.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:32 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

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