Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does your SO/DH appreciate you?

Ok, so I'm just wanting to vent a little. Yesterday I spent the whole day, and most of the night cleaning my house from top to bottom. I cleaned out all the cabinets, cleaned all the cabinets, I cleaned out the fridge, Rearranged the pantry, scrubbed the bathroom, vacuumed and mopped all the floors, cleaned the windows, and much much more. Well, he comes home from the barn last night, and doesn't say a word. He sits on the couch watching tv while I clean around him. Then this morning, he gets up, makes his breakfast, and doesn't clean anything up. Then he gets stuff out, and doesn't put it back when finished. Does anyone else's DH/SO's do this? It really bugs the SH*T out of me! Why can't he just help me out a little bit? Usually I don't complain about him because he is really good to me, but this one thing he does gets on my damn nerves. lol. Anyone else?

Answer Question

Asked by Gretchen0122 at 8:45 AM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Just for Fun

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I know my DH used to be this way. Then we had a long talk about things and they have gotten so much better. It was one of those things were perception came into play and we both thought different thing.

    If you have never told him how you feel about this then he will never know.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • after i get done busting my butt cleaning i usually get a response of "it's about time you did something around here" that pisses me off! he says that's his way of letting me know he noticed. what's wrong with a simple "looks nice"? MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by pam228 at 8:56 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Yeah I understand completely.... I only work 2 Saturdays a month, the rest of the time I'm a SAHM who cleans, has his food on the table every night, washes his clothes, cares for our DD and cleans up behind him daily like he's a 3 year old. This past Saturday I come home from work and he has washed and dried 2 loads of laundry (which he dumped out on the bed for me to fold and put away) and washed his own dishes for a change, and he acted like I should throw him a freaking party for being so great. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the effort, but I don't get any acknowledgement for doing it every day, why should it be a big deal that he's done it once in 6 months?

    Answer by Kimebs at 9:05 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • maybe men just expect the house to be clean if a woman is living in it. like when they were single they expected it to be dirty and it was, because there was no woman in it. hmm....i say stop getting angry at him and start getting angry at his mother for raising him that way. you didn't raise him, and you probably can't change him. but when he asks for some nookie just tell him.." damn am i tired from CLEANING ALL DAY'. and leave it at that.

    Answer by JumpingHoops at 9:27 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Well, they don't read minds. Just say...hey, did you see what I did today. I got in a cleaning mood.....then ask that he help you keep it clean. It doesnt have to be this passive aggressive mind reading manipulative game. Marriage is not like that and yes my DH appreciates me and I certainly appreciate him. We don't tell one another enough.

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:09 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Ugh, yes, I am wayyyy underappreciated by my DH. Granted, our house is rarely, if ever, spotless, but by gosh it always looks pretty darn good! If there is something he wants me to get done and it doesn't, he completely dismisses it when I say "Well, the baby has an ear infection and is really clingy, so it's been hard to get stuff done!"

    Then, when I go to work (part time, nights and weekends) and he baby sits, I'll get home and say "Why didn't you put up the milk/butter/eggs/whatever after you made yourself something to eat?" His answer: "I couldn't, I had to watch the baby!" LOL. Gotta love the double standards.

    Answer by DusterMommy at 10:22 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Some men don't see that as something to be appreciative of. I read a book called The Five Love Languages and cleaning the house for your husband falls under one of the love languages. My hubby likes it but it's not a big deal. He appreciates when I lift him up verbally and give him praise. My BFF's hubby is very appreciative of a clean home because it's part of his love language. It's a good book!! It helped me understand a lot about my hubby and his quirks. Maybe you could take the online tests to see what his love language is and surprise the hell outta him. It'll make YOU feel better too. Sure made me feel good.....
    As for the not cleaning up after himself a good "Pick this shit up!" should suffice. LOL

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 11:21 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • well, to be honest, all that cleaning you did was just as much for you as it was him. if you are like me, you get totaly frustrated when you can't find something that you KNOW is here!!! like right now, we are in the middle of a bathroom makeover, so shit is every where. and i am about to go insane. and of course, right before "we" decided to do this bathroom, i had the house straigtened, decorated, clean & sterile!! yeah, that lasted a day! now i get the never ending: " have you seen my __________?" what can i say? MEN....

    Answer by MONHOLLENMOM at 4:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Lol, thanks ladies! you made me feel a lot better!

    Answer by Gretchen0122 at 5:31 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.