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2 Bumps

How do you change your feelings about your step kid?

In the past 3 years my boyfriend and I have been together we are now expecting our first kid together but we have my daughter and his daughter. His daughter is going to be 11 years old and still acts like a little kid like when we got together and she was 8 she still has daddy ties her shoes and is still all over her daddy the only way I can get after her about things is when her dad ain't around but now she is catching on and it's been really hard because I feel like I'm getting walked all over. but now I"m just wanting to pull away from the 11 year because I feel like it's just a battle I will never win. what do I do How do I change my feelings about her I want the relationship we use to have because we were really close but now I feel more distant.

Answer Question
 
mamaof3parrish

Asked by mamaof3parrish at 9:11 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Maybe counseling. She's a kid, she's going to manipulate and act that way if she can get away with it. You pulling away though isn't good at all for your long term relationship with her, your boyfriend, or even an example to set for your kids. I would go to a counselor, and see where it goes from there. It's not easy for sure.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:13 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • well if you are not married you are not even her "step mom" you are just her father's girlfriend. TBH I don't think you should be taking care of her when her dad is not around. Visitation is for her to spend time with her other parent not his girlfriend. She may just want his attention, that is what it sounds like to me.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:26 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Think about your own little girl, and how you want her to be treated if she were ever to have a step mother.

    I would never have married my husband if he hadn't treated my son with love and consideration. The greatest gift he ever gave to me... and to my son, was that he was always just a dad to him. We had 2 more sons together, and he never treated my oldest any differently than our younger boys. My oldest son always says he picked out his own dad.

    So think about your own little girl.....and your boyfriend, loving his daughter, and making her feel loved is the greatest gift you can give to both of them. My son is now 28 years old, and that is one of the things I've most appreciated about my husband.

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:13 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I have two step-children the oldest lives with us he is 13 and him and I have are moments. My hubby and I are always on the same page. My other step child is my 10 yrs old SD, she is always wanting to act like a baby by her father and she knows better to pull any stupid shit cause i will be the first to call her on it and always have. You need to step up and tell her in front of her father that she is old enough to tie her shoes etc. Acting differently in front of her father isn't right on your part. She needs to understand that you and her father are having a child together and she needs to understand that she is gonna be the BIG SISTER. She is not a baby nor should anyone be treating her like a baby (her father) it really sounds to me that you need to have a talk with your boyfriend about this and make sure you and him are on the same page with things. Also keep in mind that your hormones are changing.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 10:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • raemommy, her mother and father are the parents and that is something they need to deal with, not her. AND the child shouldn't be treated any differently just because a baby is comming. Yes, I think the "daddy tying the shoe thing" is immature, but it sounds like she just wants the attention. Bottom line, the parents are the parents and she just needs to learn to go along with how they let her act, even if she doesnt' agree.
    OP, how would you like it if your ex's girlfriend tried to set the rules with your dd?
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:24 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • It almost sounds as if her dad isn't supporting you in being an authority figure and it catering to her babyish ways. You need to talk to him. At 11, he needs to make sure that she is acting more mature. My 11 yr old SS, has chores, is expected to help out with cleaning, picking up after himself, and acting his age.

    Your SO needs to step in and stop it before it becomes a real issue, for him. It sounds like he is enabling her actions.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:27 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • jademom07, she is NOT and authority figure. I agree that he behavior is not right, but it is not her place to change it, it is her PARENTS. Again, it sounds to me like she needs some attention
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:29 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

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