I have a cousin that is about a year younger than me. We have never been all that close, only seeing each other at my Grandma's on Christmas. He lives about an hr and a a half a way and our lives have always been different w/ me marrying so young and starting a family.
He has been in and out of the system and this time is back in jail (or prison, I don't even know the difference!!!). I briefly spoke w/ his mom (my aunt, my dad's sister) telling her that I tho't about him and was wondering how he was doing. This is a very tough subject, something they have gone through before and she even said "I can't believe we are going through this again.". when I brought it up yesterday. I am not very good about tough subjects but wanted her to know I thought about him and told her so.
She said that he would love for us (my sister was sitting there was well) to write. That she isn't that great about writing.
I have been thinking a lot about what Sadie said about sending a b-day card, small gift, whatever to a person on their bday (or whenever) to let them know they are thought about and special.
I am seriously considering writing to this cousin but have feelings that are holding me back.
I am not even sure the whole story as to why he has, yet again, come to the place he is but am pretty sure it all comes down to drugs and being in w/ the wrong crowd. His parents have done nothing but try to help him, and in a way enable him tho not purposely, so I am sure they are at their wits end.
I am seriously debating on writing him just to let him know that I do think about him, he is special and try to lift him up and feel positive.
I don't know how to do this, what to say, how to approach it.
I am so cautious because I feel like I have my family to protect. I don't know if he would have any expectations or further ties to me when he does get out of jail / prison and that scares me. I know it doesn't have to be a book but really, how many times can you talk about the weather?
I don't know how I would keep it casual enough that I wouldn't divulge any (too) personal info. I'd like to write him monthly (I guess depending on how he responds) at least.
Does anyone have any experience, thoughts, anything on this matter? I'd appreciate it!
Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Relationships
I would start out by just writing him a letter telling him that you were thinking of him. Maybe share a few memories from childhood at grandmother's on Christmas. You could include a few inspirational quotes or bible verses if you are religious. If he writes back then you could go from there. Just be aware that the guards/detention officers will be reading (skimming) through the letters. Oh, and just so you know, jail is for people who have committed a misdemeanor and the sentence is 11 months and 29 days or less. Prison is for people who have committed felonies and are serving 1+ years.
Answer by JeremysMom at 10:17 PM on Dec. 26, 2010
I think it would be a nice gesture to write him, but at the same time you should keep yourself somewhat guarded and don't expect too much. If drugs are a major part of his problem I would be weary- he made be very manipulative. I'd start by sending a simple card and then just see where it goes from there.
Answer by skittles1108 at 10:17 PM on Dec. 26, 2010
Answer by itzmyzoo at 10:45 PM on Dec. 26, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 AM on Dec. 27, 2010
Answer by Proud_Mommy05 at 5:20 PM on Dec. 27, 2010
Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:06 PM on Dec. 27, 2010