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College student, ab 3 months pregnant--more open to abortion than adoption but maybe I could parent??? I'm so lost.

I'm 22 years old, I'm in my 5th year of college, I found out I was pregnant on the first of November. I always said that in the event of an unplanned pregnancy I would have an abortion I told my (then boyfriend) this and we agreed that's what would happen. Well, when I actually got pregnant I had a hard time deciding that I was going to get an abortion. Now, there is still time, and I am keeping that option open, but I have no clue what to do. The father does NOT want a baby and pressured me to get an abortion. When I said I wasn't sure I wanted to do that, a lot of fighting and arguing ensued. He is 35 and a nurse--he is also still legally married, and living with his wife whom he is 'separated' from but she has no idea we carried on a relationship for months.

I don't know what to do. Both my parents are deceased so there is no help there. It would rip my heart out to place for adoption and I'm not sure I can parent.

Answer Question

Asked by amgillis88 at 11:35 PM on Dec. 26, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 7 (182 Credits)
Answers (41)
  • I don't see how it would be any more heartbreaking to give a baby up for adoption that not allowing it to live a life. I just can't imagine looking at it so selfishly. Raise the little one or allow someone else the blessing to do it.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:38 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Well neither is ideal in my opinison, but if I aborted I wouldn't have to cope with the pain and heartache of having the baby, carrying it for all that time, holding it, and then turning it over to the adoptive parents. I just don't think I could go on after that.

    Comment by amgillis88 (original poster) at 11:42 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Realize that there are a lot of people that are wwwaaaaayyy more inept than you becoming parents every second of every day & they get by just fine. You will be a fine mother.

    And I can tell you that if you know it would rip your heart out to give a baby up for adoption, just imagine that for the rest of your life you could carry around the knowledge that you never even gave your baby a chance. Please don't abort. Unless you have no soul, it is a heart breaking decision.

    Answer by carlye828 at 11:43 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Honey if it would hurt you to give your child up for adoption then it must be very difficult to even think about having an abortion. And of coarse he would say abort because he have possibly been lying to you this whole entire time about him and his wife being separate. You should know that regardless of the outcome you have to live with your decision because ultimately you are the most important person that will be in this child's life. Having a child is difficult, but there are people that can help you. Think what you want and not what he want because his main concern is to not get caught.

    Answer by Cherish809 at 11:48 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • My sister aborted her baby when she was 18 and is now 42. She has a wonderful husband and for years they have tried to have a child. She blames herself for aborting her baby and believes this is Gods way of punishing her..My heart goes out to her but I'm firmly against abortion so I'm not a good person to be answering this. Their are soooo many couples out there who would give anything for a baby to adopt. You should bless this world with your little one and not “kill it". Bad choice of words I know, but essentially that's what it is.

    Answer by Kathy675 at 11:54 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • The role of student and parent are both intensive, but being a parent is so worth ithe hardship. My son was completely unplanned right as I chose to go back to school, and I cannot imagine my life without him.
    Pretty soon if you haven't already you'll get to hear babys heartbeat, it's a moment to bond you to baby. Or for me it was. It was all so much more real once I could here my babys heartbeat.
    And the risk, not just from abortion and it's complications but of the unknown. I have a friend who found out after the fact that her baby she had in HS was a true miracle her body doesn't really behave how it should for pregnancy it took quite a bit for them to get a second, but made them very aware of the blessing of the first. I couldn't imagine to get rid of a pregnancy because the timing is wrong now but finding out down the line that now you can't.
    As for dad he chose thecaffair and peg is a risk of having sex.

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 11:55 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • No one ever regrets having their child but everyone regrets having an abortion. I've been where you are, I understand. I look back and could not imagine my life without my children. I would let the guy off the hook, you made a deal. The sad thing is you probably did not truly understand what you were promising but why force someone to be around. TRUST ME... it just causes problems. Raise your child or give someone the gift of a child, both would be the honorable thing to do. Seek support through your local church their are resources for woman in your situation. if you need an ear I would be happy to be here for you and share my experiences. Hang in there, you can do it!!

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 11:57 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • I think if you're questioning it at all, then it's something you would regret for the rest of your life. Lots of women have babies in college and manage just fine. Yes it would be a lot harder than if you were done with school, had a nice job, where married, etc. But things aren't always ideal and you can still make it work. Babies are precious gifts and while they are not easy, they are worth it.

    Answer by mybella81 at 11:57 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • It's never an easy decision. Whatever you decide, we're here for you. Odd how guys are quick to want to just get rid of their problem so their wife won't know even if they claim to be separated. I'm not bashing about him being married. I'm just aggravated with how guys think it's so simple to have an abortion.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:59 PM on Dec. 26, 2010

  • Honestly I think that abortion is the EASIEST choice. I recently had to make the decision between abortion, adoption, or raising my child; I chose to raise my child. I tried to go forward with the abortion, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking about how I was killing my child. I felt an imense amount of guilt over this and chickened out. I started looking for families to adopt, but I don't have the heart to carry a child and then give it away (by far the hardest choice). That would honestly break my heart to give the child I just had away. I also couldn't help but wonder what kind of people the adoptive parents really were (there's all kinds of perverts and jerks out there). Now I'm 4 months preg and excited about my new child now. Its going to be A LOT of work if you decide to keep the baby, but its possible. Right now I work and go to school fulltime with a 1 year old and I still manage to keep things afloat

    Answer by Nicolenew at 12:01 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

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