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2 Bumps

is it normal to feel a little sad about a divorce even if u wanted it?

my husband kept cheating on me and treated me really bad. today,when he found out i hired an attorney he admitted he has been seeing someone else, that proves he didnt have any intention of changing. i know leaving is the best for me and my kids, and its what i want, but i feel sorta sad about moving on, we been together almost 12 years. is it normal to grieve a loss of such a long relationship even though the last 2 years of it has been hell?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:05 AM on Dec. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Absolutely. A divorce is the end of a relationship that has been nurtured, loved, and grown. You didn't marry him because he was a jerk. You married him because he must have been wonderful at some point. In a way, it is much like the death-- with similar consequences. Your life has forever changed, and you face the future on your own. The results may be beyond your control, and you may be utterly helpless at times, with feelings of bitterness and unfairness.

    Hopefully, you and he can maintain an amicable relationship, particularly for the sake of your children. I wish you the best of luck!!
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 2:27 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • It is completely normal! You have to mourn the loss of the relationship, the family, the hopes and dreams that you had for the marriage. Just know that by leaving you are doing what is right for you and your kids. 2 yrs of a bad relationship is plenty long enough! Congrats! It takes alot to get up the nerve to leave and start over! Good luck! Your future is right in front of you. Grieve and learn to be happy again.
    brookclinton

    Answer by brookclinton at 12:09 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • It is normal.... its a big change. Even though its for the best, the loneliness will set in... However! You have to be happy with yourself before you can truly be happy with another person. So take this time to really work on making YOU happy!
    sissy0604

    Answer by sissy0604 at 12:10 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Yes, you're grieving. Give yourself time. It's also a period of immense change, which can be scary and overwhelming and make you crave just having what you've known for so long. Gather all your strength and forge forward. You can do it.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:07 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Having a marriage for 12 years is great, but terrible when you're going through a divorce. Since he continued to cheat, and wasn't willing to change, you will be better off. It will take some time to adjust, but you and your children will be better off without him around. It wasn't fair to you or your kids.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:16 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Totally normal! This is a HUGE life change, and it's normal to mourn what you once had, because there had to have been SOME good things about it. You'll get through this, and be just fine, and you'll be glad you left, but it's absolutely normal to be sad for awhile, even with the circumstances.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:33 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • As a divorcee I most certianly believe it is so possible to be sad after a divorce EVEN IF YOU WaNTED IT. I mean think about it you Promised to be with each other that you'd be together for the rest of your lives, you 2 had a physical, and emotional Relationship, you gave birth to his children and he hurt you, when it is all over its okay to be sad your'e no longer Physically and emotionally attached to your "Best Friend" Think about it.
    mamabeard3

    Answer by mamabeard3 at 1:25 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Yes it is normal and I am sure there is a part of you that still loves him. And I agree this makes you feel sad because it is like closing a chapter on your life and blowing out the candle on your dreams and goals. This one was a bad partner and it is normal to grieve for the divorce even under bad circumstances like these.

    But you need to put the past behind you and start to look forward to what is around the corner because a new chapter that is brighter and better will be starting for you right now!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:57 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Yes.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 4:19 AM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Of course it's mormal even if u wanted it u r letting go of something that had been a part of your life,it;s natural to feel a lil sad.
    carisa368

    Answer by carisa368 at 2:41 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

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