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How do you come to terms with your ex being a dead beat?

I've tried and just can't get through to him that he's messing up and losing out on an important time in our son's life that he can never get back. He just doesn't get it. He says he wants to be in his life but makes no attempt to follow through on that. I'm tired of trying to make plans and track him down to see the baby and having him cancel at the last minute. I don't want to put my son through this when he's old enough to understand. My bf loves and supports him like his own son. I'm taking the ex to court for child support so I'm not worried about that. How do you stop being angry and disappointed? Do I just give up?


Asked by sbastille at 9:41 AM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • i wouldnt call it giving up as much as letting go. it is his choice and only he can make it. all you are doing is making your self sick over it. I bet God feels the same way. Trying to get everyone to love him when it is their choice. that is why we have free will. In time he might come around, but that is his decision to make.

    Answer by bubblebean at 11:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Honestly, you don't. You cosole yourself with the fact that you don't have to live with it on a day to day basis anymore. Now if your kids have to deal with him, they will see it for theirselves one day. Just don't talk bad about him in front of them. Remember he is their dad. Fortunately my daughter's father is far from it, but I've been there for many a friends, with not only dead beat dads but also moms.

    Answer by KlieneMutter at 9:47 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I kinda was glad mine(EX) was out of the pic.. I didn't have to put up with him,,and I didn't have to talk to him every time I made a decision on how I wanted to bring up my kids. Or if I wanted to move out of state. Stuff like that..Just made life easier


    Answer by louise2 at 10:06 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I did...I couldn't force my ex to be a father to my son....I was uspet and in a way still am 'cuz he is there for his new child but can't be there for my son- that I just don't get. I gave up...its HIS loss not mine or my sons. My Boyfriend has been the only father my son has ever known and I'm fine with it. He isn't "lacking" anything and when he's old enough we will tell him the truth and if he decided he wants to know his biological dad then that is his choice...but for now....I'm not trying anymore. Its his loss and he can deal with it when he's ready...but I'm not wasting my time anymore

    Answer by Dabugg698 at 10:09 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Yes you can you have to except him for what he is. My daughters dad lives 1200 miles away. I have spent 3 years trying to get him to move back. I cried everytime he came to see her because I felt her hurt when he leaves. It is not an easy thing to swallow but it is the only way to move on. You love your daughter & so does your BF. You can not control what he does but you can talk to your child and love them the best You can.

    Answer by Dannee at 10:12 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • hold your head up high you be the mom and dad for your son you can not make a man be a father but you can be the best role model for him good luck


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • You just move forward and go on with your life. It takes time to get over the anger but you will. Yes you need to get the court ordered child support established. A visitation schedule too if you dont already have on. That way you can document everytime he doesn't follow through with his scheduled visit. You shouldn't have to rearrange your schedule around him. It is his loss and it is sad for your son that this is happening but he will see things as they are when he is older. I have been in a similar situation and my ex would never show up when he said he was coming. It broke my heart to tell the kids. My bf at the time now my husband was always there for my kids. I am so happy now and I never thought I would be. Just be the best mom you can be for your son and dont waste your time on him.

    Answer by RhondaJ at 11:18 AM on Nov. 10, 2008