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How to handle when mother inlaw is over baring when it comes to my child

My bfs mom watches our son while we are at work. I feel like she is getting between my son and i relationship. it started out when he was 1st born and i started going to work, i asked her not to leave the house with him while the wether is bad. She toof off with him anyways. I asked her 3x not to leave the house with him. She never listened so i gave up. She took my son to his picture taken with his Easter bunny andSanta for his 1st time with out my permition. She is starting to call herself mommy to my son on accident. She grabs my son out of my arms when i dop him off in the mornings. My son favors her over me and it breaks my heart i just dont know what to do. I tried talking to my bf about it and he covers for his mom. He isnt supporting me one bit. I want to find another babysitter but i cant afford one. my bfs mom is watchingg him for free. What should io do>?

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mtaylor07

Asked by mtaylor07 at 1:00 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Plainly and strongly say these words: HE IS MY SON NOT YOURS. HE IS YOUR GRANDCHILD. BE A GRANDMOTHER, NOT HIS MOTHER.

    I've been in the same situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • You have to get mean when it comes to situations like these.. I think that you may need to find a different sitter for a while.. you need time to bond with your child.. no it isnt a bad thing that he likes MAMAW but she needs to realize where she stands and it isnt in the MOMMY SEAT
    momof241988

    Answer by momof241988 at 1:06 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • DhI agree. Be firm. This is your child. Although she made.be the caregivers while your away. He is YOUR child.
    StephsDesigns

    Answer by StephsDesigns at 1:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Daycare? Anything is better than that situation. I wouldn't let my MIL watch my children. A professional is much better. Because in the end of the day you will get your own child back. Try to find another solution for your child. It is not healthy from your MIL to do this. And to be honest it is disgusting. Do something really fast otherwise you will loose your child and boyfriend one day:( If you can't afford to get daycare you still can bluff. You can tell to your MIL that if she follows that behaviour you can't trust her with your child so you will take her to a daycare anyway. You are the mom, it is your responsibility what's happening with your child even when she is not with you.

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 1:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • You have 2 choices. Suck it up and know in time your son will resent her for trying to take your place, or say something now and possibly lose free child care. My mom was alot like what you describe. She remarried when I was 17 and they couldnt have their own kids, so when I had mine I caught her telling my kids to call my step dad "Daddy" and her "Mommy". I told her in as nice a way I could that she was confusing them, and that was not their daddy nor was she mommy, they were grandma and grandpa and if I had heard or seen it again I would not allow them to spend time with my children alone for a long time. Well, they did it again, so I "grounded" them from being alone with my kids. In the end this "forced" passive aggressive punishment worked. I did lose child care for a few weeks, but I enlisted friends and other family and I made my point. If your bf wont do anything you dont need his permission to act.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:19 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • My mil also watched my children, for free, for me. She did things that I didn't like but I knew that they were safe and loved. My oldest she watched from the time he was 8 weeks until he was a year. Then I went back to work 9 months later for about a year and she then watched both my boys. My oldest still prefers her over me in some situations if she is with us. For things like taking him to get his picture taken without you, I would definitely tell her that was inappropriate. Just because you are working does not mean you should miss things. My sil cut my oldest son's hair, his first haircut, while I was at work. I was beyond angry. You miss enough while at work, things like haircuts, pictures, that can be scheduled are things for mommy not to miss. I would though say, with her taking him out in the weather, I would let that go. He is safe. She is watching him for free.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 1:36 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • (cont.) I thought through things and picked my battles since it was free childcare and I didn't want to put them in a daycare setting.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 1:37 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I think you need to have a talk with her and say "he is MY child, I am the Mommy, you are Grandma and as his mother I expect you to follow MY rules. If you cannot do so I will find another sitter and you will not watch my child again!" I would also look around for another sitter or daycare, and tell BF that he needs to get off his butt and either back you up or dig into his pockets to help pay for childcare!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:45 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

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