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2 Bumps

Is she crazy?

So, me and my ex set rules for our 2 children 8 and 11. We were told by the family court that we are supposed to maintain the same rules in both homes to avoid confusion. Well my ex's girlfriend just moved in. She doesn't have any children, though she is trying to call herself "mom' to my kids! Anyway, everything was great with the kids. He gets the kids every other weekend (I work from home, so it was easier for me to have them during the week since this way they don't have to go to child care after school) Now, me and my ex get along so well (just as friends and co-parents of our children). If he needs them for something special when it is my time to have them, he asks and 9 times out of 10 I am happy to help him, and the same goes for him. We want our children to have the best lives possible and we understand that this means compromising. Anyway, his new girlfriend has it in her mind that she wants to control things. Even though we have rules set up in both our homes that we agree upon, she doesn't like them, so she feels that SHE can change them at his house. He is kinda a pushover, and I think he really cares for her so he is starting to give in to her demands. She has told me that SHE is the mother in HER home and my children need to treat her as such. She said that SHE will make the rules at her house and if I cause her problems she will have my ex get custody of our kids and SHE will be their mother all the time. First of all, it's not her house, it's my ex's house, she doesn't work, they are not married and her name is not on the title, I pointed this out to her. I also told her that she is not a mother of ANY HOUSE, ANYWHERE as she doesn't have children. I am my children's mother everywhere. Just as their father is their father everywhere. I explained to her that these are our rules and they WILL be obided by in BOTH HOMES. She also feels she has the right to spank my children. They told her that she is not their mother (this was right before I came to pick them up) and she had the nerve to tell ME that she just grounded MY CHILDREN so when they get to my house there would be no tv, computer, friends. I politly explained to her that they hadn't broken any rules nor been disrepectful as all they said was that she wasn't their mother, she is not. FYI, we had a party that night, friends, computer, tv lol. I had already planned it but I think it is funny how it worked out. Now, we usually do the "if they are in trouble at my house, they are in trouble at you house" thing because otherwise the kids will just end up putting us against each other, BUT it's when they break OUR RULES. My ex has been working a lot more these past few weeks (he works nights) , so I know that he has been sleeping when they are there, which is when she goes on her little power trips. I have asked him to meet me for dinner (this is what we do when we want to talk, neutral grounds with good food). I plan on telling him that this arrangement will not work. My children have said they don't want to go over to his house unless she is not there. Oh and btw, my ex has dated other people (we have been divorced 3 years) and we have never had a problem. I love our arrangment, it works well for our children but with this woman around, it's a nightmare. She also keeps saying I am trying to "steal her man" . I say "lady, you have had him for 4 months, I had him for over 10 years, if I wanted him back I could have him back. We are just much better as friends and co parents (though his parents still love me better them him lol). Is there anything else I should say to him? I want him to be happy, but not if it hurts my children or makes them not want to be around him (which would make him unhappy since they are his world)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • You cannot decide what to say until you know what he says. I think that you should not discuss anything with her. You are allowing her to be in the circle.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:05 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • The COURT said to maintain the same rules in both homes. If she has a problem with it, tell her to go talk to the judge. It is very important for children to have consistency.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 4:06 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I don't discuss anything with her, in fact I hardly have even talked to her until I picked my children up at my ex's house and she tried to tell me that she grounded them and I need to punish them in my home for breaking her rules.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:08 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • There's nothing to indicate she's crazy, but she is a woman who wants to be considered wife and mother, which is very dangerous for your children. Better sit down and talk to their dad and see if you two can work something out, although you must remember he does not have the power to control the new honey.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:10 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • First (((HUGS)))) second if she spanks your children its considered assault because she is not the parent third the rules are for your childrens sake remind him he is the parent and another thing tell her to back the crazy train up because you and your ex have this under control. do not let her tear up everything you have compromised to make your children happy. Back her up and tell her this is how your family works she is welcome as long as she knows the only people who truly matter are your kids and two people who could have ended badly are doing a great job if she is here to promote what works she is welcome any kind of threats and other crap can kick rocks. Congratualtions on making the kids count!

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I disagree with( he does not have the power to control the new honey.) He most certainly does, his house, his kids, his court order. It seems he cares very much for the kids, and you and he have put them first as most parents have a hard time doing. You need to some how elaborate to him that she is coming between the good relationship with the KIDS not necesarily you. She is NOT, the Mommy in any way shape or form. She should be doing as far as any disciplining only what your ex requests, no more, no less. By NO MEANS spanking them. Your ex needs to start thinking with his head and not his penis, and keep the KIDS FIRST. You can just very calmly request he leave the kids at your house also if he feels he needs to sleep when they are there, thus avoiding alone time w/her. I myself would be absolutely furious with her and your ex for letting this happen in his home to his kids. HE DOES HAVE THE POWER, AND SO DOES THE COURT!!
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 4:47 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

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