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3 Bumps

grandmother

My husbands granmother has gotten to where she can't stay by herself. My bil does not work, so he is staying with her. I have tried to get his grandmother to come and live with us. She keeps saying she will be an inconvenience. Well someone having to stay with her 24/7 is an inconvience in my book. The bil is looking at everyone else like he is doing it all. He is the only one that isn't working. It is tearing the family apart. We don't want to put her in a nursing home, I have worked in one. We don't want to do that unless it is the last resort.
How can we make her understand it will be easier on the grandkids if she just moves in with one of us? Any suggestions?

 
arenad

Asked by arenad at 4:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in Home & Garden

Level 23 (15,984 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Sorry you are dealing w/this! You will just have to tell her. And tell her that it can be temporary...she can try it and then later if she choses, she can change the arrangements.

    Good luck!
    cheekycherub

    Answer by cheekycherub at 4:26 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • hi....i think grandmoms are great,they are a true blessings to us...i wish i can help you take care of her...i love grandmoms
    neng999

    Answer by neng999 at 4:29 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • She probably does not want to leave her home. I hope you all give your bil a weekend off. A night off. A weeks vacation. If he is feeling like he is carrying the load, get over there and take some of the load. Do it on a regular basis, so he knows that he can count of the time off. It won't be easy, but life isn't.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:30 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • There are three other siblings, they give him a break when they can. It would just make things so much easier if she would come live with us. I honestly don't think she will be with us very longer though. She lost her only daughter last year, she has went downhill every since. I think she has just given up.
    arenad

    Comment by arenad (original poster) at 4:33 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Do you really think her coming to live with you would be better? You stated that your BIL is the only one that don't work, so why is it better at your house? She needs 24/7 care and if you and your Dh are working then who is going to be there to take care of her. being in her own home with the BIL there 24/7 sounds to me like it is what she wants and what she needs. Between the 4 boys they should come up with a schedule of what works for all of them. Who can come over and take her out to shop, cook her her meals, give her her baths, ect. I have been a CNA for 18 years and I tell you your BIL feels that he is taking on the load because it is very hard taking care of a family member. Harder than taking care of a stranger. I once took care of my Nana, she was stubborn as all get out. She hated for me to bathe her, didn't want to eat what I cooked, hated the way I did laundry. So get over there and relieve your BIL.
    hodgkinrus6

    Answer by hodgkinrus6 at 9:29 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • He is a contractor and drawing unemployment right now. He could get called to work any day now. I am a SAHM, so I feel like here would be a good fit. She just doesn't want to leave her home. I understand that completley. Just not sure we can all hang in there doing it this way.
    arenad

    Comment by arenad (original poster) at 10:48 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I agree with using the temporary move to your house. Call it a vacation for bil...if she actually likes it she can stay if not she could still go back.
    Mim4

    Answer by Mim4 at 1:38 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Does she have long term care insurance, or another source to pay for a live-in care giver?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:20 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

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