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2 Bumps

Absent parent

MY daughter is 3 yrs old and has neva met her real father,u see we broke up before i found out i was pregger's with her and he left town.I ended up being with someone since i was 2 months pregnant with her and i'm still with him so all my daughter knows is him as her dad,i dnt teach her to call my s/o daddy but as she get's older should i keep it from her?we have had a paternity test and the guy i left is her dad and is orderd to pay child support and he does and we've spoken 2 times since she's been born,but my s/o had a problem with us speaking so he never calld back,should i try to contact him for my daughter's sake?

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carisa368

Asked by carisa368 at 4:14 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,504 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I would say no. But if he contacts you, you should talk with him and allow him to be part of her life.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • yes. you're new so should realize one day or another her bio father will want to have a relationship with her.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 4:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • *your
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 4:17 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I think that man your are with now deserves to be called Daddy. After all he may not be her bio dad but he's her daddy regardless. He's been there from day from. The sperm donor skipped town and didn't care you were pregnant and never contacted you. Why should he be called Daddy? If you didn't do the court ordered DNA and child support I doubt he would have ever came back into the picture.
    If he cared about contacting his daughter he would try and do it but he's not. He's not worth a heart break for your daughter and that's probably what he would do, break your daughter heart.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:19 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • You will need to keep your current s/o's feelings in mind & talk to him about what you're considering & why you feel it's important & necessary for your dau. He probably feels like he has put in the time & emotions & he's more of a father than her bio. one. And he's right. Assure him that he still has an important place in your life regardless if the bio dad steps in to visit or not. Good luck to all of you.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:19 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • When she is old enough I would let her know. After all its her bio dad and she would at least need to know medical history. Now if he wanted to have a relationship with her thats a different story and your SO is just going to have to deal with it.
    justme581

    Answer by justme581 at 4:20 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • My daughter is almost 6 and has only seen her father 5 times all before she was 1. We split before I knew I was preggo as well. I hate lying to my kids about their lives so I have always told her the truth. I tell her that when she is old enough to completely understand what emotions it will entail then I will take her to see him if that's what she wants. Her SD (sperm donor) pays child support because he's forced to by the state and last time I talked to him was almost 2 years ago to ask if I'd gotten married yet so he could sign his rights away. He calls about every 2 years, to see if I've gotten married. If he doesn't contact you I wouldn't bother but that's just me. He obviously doesn't care about her or he would be in her life. She will have questions when and if you decide to tell her and not all of them will be easy, but I've found being honest is the best way to handle them.
    Proud_Mommy05

    Answer by Proud_Mommy05 at 4:21 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • My son's biological father hasn't been involved in his life much, and hasn't seen him in over a year. My son calls my DH daddy. Since he plans to adopt him we don't plan to keep the fact that my DH isn't his father from him. It can raise a lot of questions for a child later in life, and they may feel betrayed, lied to, or like you were intentionally keeping it from them- it can damage a parent/child relationship beyond repair. If your SO plans on adopting her or being around forever I would be sure to tell her something along the lines of, "Although your daddy IS your daddy he didn't help mommy make you. He came along later on and loved you so much he chose to be your daddy."

    I would discourage using the word "real" dad when referring to the biological one simply because it may devalue the relationship she has with your SO. In the end it really is your decision.
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 4:22 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • neva? lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Your daughter deserves a chance to know her bio father. He pays child support, you can't call him a deadbeat when he can't find you. It is not up to your boyfriend if your daughter talks to her father. I think you need to contact him and at least give your daughter a chance at some kind of relationship with her bio-father.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:40 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

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