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2 Bumps

I feel that my husband loves his family more than me.

It took him 15 months to plce my picture in his house. His home is FULL of family pics everywhere. He's 50 years old and it took him 17 months to tell his family that he's got a girlfriend and he's married !
Over these 2 yers I've written so many emails and letters to his Mom, but he never gave them to her. Since we met, he 'd always tell me all about his family & friends, how much he loves them etc.
He asked me to relocate and get married, but NOBODY KNEW we've been together for 2 years. He says he felt so deeply for me and couldn't handle it.
I'm so hurt and tired when people call me his "date".

His Mom asked me if we have microwave ovens in Europe, if we celebrate Christmas in Europe. I have a PhD in Science and she asked me if I have to pass the language tests that illegal Mexicans pass to become legal citizens.

He says I'm too sensitive and wonders why I 'm so hurt.
Hey guys, what should I do ?


Asked by lillyblue111 at 7:14 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,690 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • In the beginning, I always felt that DH put his family first. Hell, I didn't think it, I knew he did. But eventually, he changed and he began to put me before his family. Well, actually we mutually put our son first, but when his mother and I had a big argument a few months back, she tried to get him to take her side and he told her to never make him choose sides, he was always going to side with me. Although we've been together for years, I think I really knew at that moment, he really did put me before his family.

    Now, in your situation, uh huh. He's not learned to cut the family ties and the fact that he doesn't even talk about you to them is not right. He treats you like his secret mistress rather than his wife. Don't make excuses. Stand up for yourself and demand he show you respect.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 7:47 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I would find some one else who did not want to hid me in the closet. JMO

    Answer by louise2 at 7:22 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Wow sorry honey (((HUGS))) why are you not introduced as his wife is he hiding something? I would be asking!!

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:18 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like he's been hiding something... I would confront him and hold your ground and get to the bottom of this. I would even let his family know that you've been together for X amount of time.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 7:21 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • What a jerk...why would you marry a man who is clearly ashamed of you? I'd lay it all on the line: respect me as your wife, or go away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Sweetie... You can't change it.. He and only he can change his outlook, how he interacts with his family, and how he responds/reacts/addresses his family's interaction with you.

    The only way he can change is: He must accept that there is a problem. Then He must make strides and the effort to address the problem and try to bring about change in the situation.

    I'm sure this is incredibly frustrating and hurtful. However, you can not change him or his family. He can only change himself. Each family member who treats you this way is responsible for their own change.

    In the end. He will change or he won't. At that point you must decide which means more to you.. Him.. or.. his family's acceptance... Can you live with one and without the other... Or is it both or nothing....... Either way, the final decision can only be made by you, and only you know what you can live happily with for years to come.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 8:25 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • If he loves you, he would have told his family about you once you were serious. Is there a huge age gap? If so, that might be another reason why.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:21 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • he's a grown man and needs to start acting like one... i'm sorry but you shouldn't have to be in that position

    Answer by Lynnsae at 7:25 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I agree he is either hiding something.....or is a weirdo.....sorry...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I've actually seen this type of thing happen before.

    I can not speak in regards to your husband (since I do not know him/his family). I can only share what I know in regards to people I personally know who have acted as your husband is acting. The reason those I know did this is because: They knew that the person they were with would not be openly accepted by their family for some reason. Those reasons have ranged from: religious reasons, cultural reasons, to the fact that they knew their parents just wouldn't like that person.

    When you ask him directly about why he acts/treats you this way what does he say?
    When someone refers to you as his "date", do you correct them and say "No, I am his wife"? If you do, what is the response? If you do not, why not?

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:31 PM on Dec. 27, 2010