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Is it hard for you to be attracted to other men after your first love?

I was with my first love for many years. We were each other's firsts and I think that's why I can't get attracted to my boyfriend, who I've been with for a year. Before you say I'm still in love with my ex, he was nothing but trouble and it wouldn't be worth it to get back together with him. His major asset was that he was sooo sexy and was the best ever in that way. Can my new relationship make it when I can't get attracted to him? (He's the most wonderful guy and I know I'd be losing a LOT by losing him)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Yes. It can. I am still very attracted to my first love, but I'm attracted to my DH more. He gives me something more to love every day, while my first only gave me grief!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Sounds like you need to do some serious thinking about your current boyfriend. If you don't have the chemistry / physical attraction with him initially I believe you never will. You can not make yourself be attracted to someone you are not attracted to just because they are nice, good to you etc.. I had a really great guy in my life before my DH. He and I were great friends, I really cared about him and still do, but there just wasn't any chemistry there for me at least. I believe it is unfair to stay with someone that you are not attaracted to physically. Yes you can be attracted to someone after your first love. However it's unfair to stay with someone who you aren't attracted t o as you are preventing them from finding that connection with someone else. You are also doing yourself a diservice because as long as you hang on to your current guy you aren't finding someone who you are attracted to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Anon 9:11 Says it all completely. There are lots of great guys but your great guy should be one you are attracted to. Just think how great it will be to find a man who has both of the qualities all in one package.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • To me attraction is very connected to my feelings. What is attractive about your ex, even though you no longer have feelings... excitement, drama? Just there was passion lacking now? My ex before hubby was very good looking, but to me is the ugliest person I know. Chemistry is so important in relationships... sounds like you just want to appreciate your guy in the way you think he deserves and that's he's a good person, but you're doing yourselves both a disservice by not being honest. He deserves someone who think's he's the most everything... and you deserve a relationship with passion. Sounds to me like the problem may be something you need to get over or you won't be happy w anyone... don't drop your guy yet. explore what makes you feel passionate and where chemistry lies for you
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:33 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • i think you need to take a day where you take something that reminds you of your first love and go have a funeral. take a drive and get rid of him for good. sometimes letting go in a funeral type way can help you to let it go completely. Put him to rest in your mind.
    bubblebean

    Answer by bubblebean at 12:43 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • no it was along time ago
    lifeisgood176

    Answer by lifeisgood176 at 12:55 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I don't think you ever get over your first love completely. It was something very special in most cases. BUT you do need to move on. Getting over something and getting past it are two different things. I don't mean you will always hold a torch for this ex, but a little piece of him will always be in your heart. You just can't let it interfere with your future! Yes, anon 9:11 said it perfectly! Physical attraction/chemistry speaks volumes in a relationship, but there is more to a relationship than simply physical-ness. Just as you're experiencing there is more to a romantic relationship than mental connection as well. There is someone out there for you, you just have to be open to see him and/or meet him!
    momofours

    Answer by momofours at 1:29 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

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