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Ok, friend's wedding question here.

Ok so my friend is getting married in 2 months and need some advise. Her parents are divorced and her father is remarried. Is is not at all close with her SM, they have been married for 6 years, since she was 17. She wants a traditional wedding, mom and dad walk her down the isle, mom and dad's names are on the invitation ect. The SM wants to walk down too on dad's side, she doesnt want that. The problem is her SM seems to want to share the mother's role. She has tried to explain to her what she wants but she doesn't seem to want to listen. Basically, she wants the SM to just be another guest (she doesn't want her in the formal family pic either). At the Brides imediate family table (you know, the one that is the closest to the bride and groom's table, with the grooms family's table equally close on the other side) at the reception, she wants her mom, dad, both sets of grandparents and her Godparents. She wants the SM to sit at the next table over. The SM is getting madder and madder about it. I feel that it is her wedding and if she wants just her family at that table or her parents to walk her down the isle, I think she should get it. I think the SM needs to just back off. Any opinions? At this point, she is ready to tell the SM not to come. Oh, I forgot, her mom is Catholic, her dad is Jewish, that is why it is traditional for both of them to walk her down (it's a Jewish thing).

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 10:06 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • IMO, I would allow the step mom to sit with the father but not allow her to do anything other than that.

    I would never ask my father to tell his wife that she could not sit with him but I would expect him to understand why she cannot walk down the aisle with him.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:09 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Honestly, I think that she's intentionally pushing her SM out of the picture. Whether it is resentment, anger towards her parent's divorce, or whatever the case may be. I could be wrong, but she is going rather out of her way to make sure her SM has no part in the wedding at all. I think that she should give her SM a chance, even if she doesn't want her involved completely. Give her some leeway seeing as she is her father's wife, even if it isn't her biological mind. Yes, the bride should have the wedding exactly how SHE wants it, but again she is her father's wife. Whether they get along in the past or not, I think she should make an effort to accept her SM for who she is. Even if they never become friends, which is fine, it may be important to her dad that his daughter include his wife in the wedding somehow. Even if it is just having her at the wedding table at the reception.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:11 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Well the way the rows go, if the SM, sits in the front row, one set of grandparents or her Godparents have to move to the second and she doesn't want that. She is very close to all of them but like I said, she isn't close to her SM at all
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:12 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I had similar problems on my wedding day being that both of my parents were divorced and both remarried. At first I wanted my mom and dad to both walk me down the isle but then my father got mad and said no. He wanted to walk me down the isle alone. So then I got mad and said I want my stepfather to walk me down but then my mom talked me into letting my father walk me down because he is my birth father. So that is what I wound up doing. Letting my father walk me down the isle alone. Do I have any regrets not really.
    I can fully understand your friends situation but I would not let anyone ruin my wedding day if I were her., If worse came to worse I would just let my father walk me down alone. But that is just me! I wish her luck in this situation!
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 10:15 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • well i think it would be ok that her dad & her stepmom seat together at the table but not walk the isle together
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 10:19 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I can see, to a point what ya'll are saying. I think she lost so much when her parents divorced (she had to move out of state,giving up all her friends she had to give up a LOT of material things,she had to move out of the house she had lived in her whole life, she used to be very into music, she could play almost any intrument, but her new school didn't have a band program so she had to give that up too, that prob hit her the hardest). She said she just wants this one thing the way she would have had it if her parents had stayed together, TBH I don't think that is too much to ask. As far as the pics go, I suggested, letting the SM be in one or two of the formal ones (and if she wants she doesn't have to do anything with those ones). She is thinking about that but as far as the table goes, she refuses to move neither set of grandparents nor her Godparents to another table to make room for someone she is not close to.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:20 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Darl47, the reason she is having them both walk her down is because that is Jewish tradition. Both the parents want to walk her down and even if she wanted the SM to walk her down too, there really isn't room on the isle.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:23 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • sm should just be a guest.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 10:29 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I feel like right or wrong, the SM should just do as she is asked by the bride, yes she is married to the bride's father but it is the brides wedding, not hers. SM is also mad because the parents are paying $25000 for the wedding (half each) and she felt wanted to money spent on something for them, not a wedding. FYI the father has had the money for his half of the wedding saved up since before they got together.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:32 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Her step-mother needs to respect the wishes of the BRIDE. It's a wedding for your friend, not her step-mom. She will have to deal with it. I hope your friend puts her foot down.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:53 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

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