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Am I thinking too much in to my son's daycare provider's comment?

I am single by law but have been with my SO for 6 years, lived together for 5, and we have a 2.5 year old son who has been going to the same daycare for almost 2 years now. I am a relatively young mom (23) and while all of the other moms at my son's day care are at least 30+ and married I was surprised at the daycare provider's comment the other day. She said she wanted to tell me how nice it was that my son was always so clean and well cared for. Now, if that was all she had said I would have taken it as a compliment but then she went on to say she once cared for the children of a young, single mom, and she always had to give the kids baths and change their clothes because their mom was so overwhelmed. So I don't know if she was simply complimenting me, or comparing me and commenting that she was amazed that as a young, "single" (I don't consider myself SINGLE as I have all the help & support as a married woman, and she knows this) mother I could care so well for my child. How would you have taken that? Am I overthinking it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Dec. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. I would have the same reaction as you though. I really don't think just because a Mom is "single" her kids are dirty. That was not right.

    Answer by Iluvmy5 at 11:42 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I would take it at face value... as a compliment. I don't even really see how you could read anything into that comment.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:43 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I think you may be over thinking it. I think she just meant it as a compliment. It might not have come out the best way but she wanted to tell you that she thought you are doing a great job as a mom.

    Answer by JamieLK at 11:43 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • i think she gave you a very nice compliment. Dont over think it! Just take it as something nice! Im also a young mommy. Im almost 22 and have a 4 year old and 18 mth old. And just for yous that care I AM married and he IS the father to BOTH my boys!

    Answer by mommyofone15 at 11:43 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I think it was a compliment and you should try to take it that way. I applaud you for being so young and properly raising your baby. I also applaud you for not being married. There is no need to rush that even if you already have kids. Sometimes compliments are given by people, like myself where your foot goes in your mouth or my point doesn't come through.

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 11:49 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • Yes, it was a slip up on her part, I wouldn't give any more thought. She will probably apologize later.


    Answer by sexyfancyface at 11:50 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I am also a young mom, I had my dd at 18. Some people, like her Sunday school teachers, neighbors ect are suprised at how well cared for she is when they find out how young I am. There are many young moms who don't take care of their kids properly, but the same goes for older moms. Sometimes I feel like I am in a class where I am expected to get a D and I get and A, you know what I mean. Try to take it as a compliment, that woman feels that young, single moms don't take as good care of their children, and you are helping to change that idea for her. That is the best we can do, I guess, be good moms and show everyone that we can do it just as well as any other mom.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:51 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I would have taken the compliment and said THANK YOU! She was just saying that you are a GOOD single mom, which can be difficult for anyone.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:56 PM on Dec. 27, 2010

  • I think you should just take it as a compliment - a pretty poorly worded one, but still...

    Though I have to say, and I do NOT mean this in a bad way, it seems that you're more upset about her thinking you're a single mom than her being surprised that as a young mom you're able to do a good job. If that's the case, if it comes up again, just smile at her and say, oh, I'm not "single" - it's just that my life partner and I don't feel that a paper makes us married, so we haven't bothered.

    If that's not the case, and it's her surprise at your kids being cared for so well when you're young, just smile and say that you realize that there's a lot of stigma that goes with young moms, but just like with anything else, there's good and bad young moms... Though you're glad that she thinks you're a good mom :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:12 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I had my boys at 17 and 19y/o and I have alway gotten those kind of thing said to me. Most people think that young moms can't handle or control their kids. So I would just take it as a compliment cause it may not be the last time you hear something like that. I do and it works out better that way for me. I have heard thing like that since my boys were infants and I would be one mad and bitter women if I didn't. Hear what they say and flip it into a positive. Now so you can't but those you let roll off your back and brush them off. But i think she ment well. :) :) :) :)

    Answer by LADYA1983 at 1:28 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

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