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Why doesn't he care...???

When I try to talk to my SO about something that is bothering me in my personal life. Like work, friends, family, etc.. He doesn't even make eye contact with me most of the time and gives one word responses like he couldn't care less. I always listen to him and give him my advice. I have asked him why he doesn't care and how he would feel if it were the other way around. But he says "I'm listening, I just don't know what you want me to say". It just seems very rude and selfish of him to disregard my feelings like this. I know that guys are different at communicating than women, but I should be able to confide in my SO about things that matter to me. Should I start acting the same towards him? Do you think that would make him realize how it feels?

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Kelli1012

Asked by Kelli1012 at 11:30 AM on Dec. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,591 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • He's hearing you,but he isn't LISTENING.
    He's telling you he doesn't care about what you're saying,and that's just plain disrespectful
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:35 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • For some reason this post sounds very familiar
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 11:36 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Wasn't this question already asked?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Doing the same thing to him won't make him realize it. If he isn't giving you the response you need and is aware of it then he is lazy and really doesn't care about you. You need to find someone that is interested in you AND your life. I have been in that place before and believe me it's a waste of time trying to fix someone that is lazy.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 11:37 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • men dont care if you act like that towards them.. it isnt him really being selfish he just doesnt want to say the wrong thing.. they know how tempermental we can be about things and they try to "pick their fights" accordingly..
    momof241988

    Answer by momof241988 at 11:39 AM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Maybe he really is listening... he is a guy... they aint usually good with advise giving! lol
    sissy0604

    Answer by sissy0604 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • He is listening it just sounds like he doesn't care. Unfortunately there isn't anything that you can do that will make him care. Maybe he feels like your "problems" are repetitive or he doesn't agree with how you are handling them and its easier for him to just "ignore" it than tell you how he really feels about it. There are always going to be things that bother us girls that guys don't get and could care less about, that is just how men operate.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 12:34 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I deal with the same thing with my DH. It is frsutrating to say the least. It can be hurtful and infuriating. However, I know this is not an isolated thing with men. Most every heterosexual male I know is the same way. Male friends, my dad, my DH, my BIL, my nephew, etc. All different ages. Men are actually reared differently and this is not a new thing. Women naturally have a nurturing instinct which is encouraged from birth on. Men, on the other hand, are encouraged to be be stoic and strong; whether we realize it or not. Signs of sensitivity are represented as signs of weakness or feminity which encourages a man to be ambivilent or seem uncaring. They REALLY don't KNOW how to handle sensitive conversations or show support. Don't take it personally. Your DH does love you, I am sure, and really would like to show support, but doesn't know how and might be uncomfortable with any suggestions you may make.
    aikenchic

    Answer by aikenchic at 12:34 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • my guess would be there is more to this story.


    how often do you "talk" to him about your problems??? Do you think that maybe it is too often? Do you think maybe you are whining more then looking to actually discuss and issue?


    I think you need to do some soul searching... from what YOU typed it sounds like you are a whiner.  How many actual problems do you have that need to be discussed... either you are whining about every little thing or you can not handle your own life and end up with problems others would simply deal with.


    Men WILL turn off if you are coming at them with minutia... why not vent else where and only come to him with REAL issues.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • My DH used to do this. He isn't Mr. Sensitive to begin with, but he acted just like you're describing. We wound up in marriage counseling (for other things) and we talked about it with the counselor. He pointed out to me that WHEN you bring something up to talk about, you need to choose when you do it. During your SO's football game, that he has been looking forward to all day, is not the time. Right after he walks in the door from work, is not the time. I could give you a list... but the point is, that timing is everything. Pick a time when he is just flipping through the channels, or doing nothing in particular, walk up to him, say his name, and when he looks at you, say to him "I had a rough day, and I really need some encouragement (or insert whatever it is you need)" That way, before he even enters the conversation, he knows what you are expecting from him. Guys need that straight forward approach.
    brandyj

    Answer by brandyj at 12:39 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

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