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Has anyone ever heard of this?

My ex is in the military and is about to move 275 miles away from us. He can't have his visits with my dd in his home as he lives in single houseing on base. He said that if he wants, he can have a judge order that the visits be in MY HOME! Which means he will be spending every other sat sitting his BUTT on my couch. Now, yes I know that I was the one who was with him, but I don't feel that I should have to have him in my home. Can the courts even order this? I mean, if me and my fiance' are the ones paying the rent, I can't see how a judge can say that I HAVE to let him in my home. My fiance' is pissed and says that he is NOT comming in our home, he is welcome to pick up and dropp off our dd there but not, to come in for visits. I am speaking with a lawyer on friday but I wanted to know if anyone had ever heard of this. I could just be my ex trying to piss me off, but really, you never know what crap the family court system is gonna come up with next

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 11:59 AM on Dec. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Yes the courts can. Don't you want what is best for your child? Let go of your feelings so your child can have a relationship with her father. I would rather the visit occur in my house, where my child is comfortable, rather than being out who knows where all day.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:05 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • If he is going to be living 5 hours away how often will he see her? How long will the visit last? How old is your dd? I don't think the judge can force you to let him visit in your home.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:06 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I am not sure.
    zebbiebug

    Answer by zebbiebug at 12:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I feel like if he wants to visit with her, he needs to provide his own place, not be a BUM at mine. He is expected to provide for her 1 day out of every 2 weeks and he can't even do that? I told him that if this is true, he needs to pay 1/14th of our rent (in addition to child support) if he is gonna use our place for that amount of time. I mean really, for 1 day every 2 weeks, he can easily pic her up, and take her to do something fun. I let him do it ONCE ( because he was only in town for a couple hours) and he spent the entire time sitting on my couch, watching my TV, and eating my food. My dd got bored with watching tv after a few min and left the room to play in her room and he didn't even notice
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 12:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • It will be about a 4 hour drive. she is 4 years old and the visit is all day long
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 12:13 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Its to your advantage if the visit are in your home. Just let him know you want him to take him to do things without you or your fiance around and have Daddy and baby time and sometimes if they need to just hang out at the house let them.
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 12:13 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Wow 4 hours is a long way for a daytime visit. So he has 8 hours of driving and maybe 5 hours with her? My ex has come for a visit and we let hm come to the house because it was her normal enviroment. He could get to know her better by playing with her toys and such but he was with her the whole time. They played and we hung out upstairs most of the time. I think if he is just going to be with her a few hours then he should do something fun with her most of them time. The problem with going somewhere all the time is he never really gets to be a parent and spend relaxed time with her...he is always the chuck e cheese, go to the movies kind of dad which isnt real life.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 1:14 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • You know, you don't have to let him watch your TV or eat your food while he is there. He is supposed to be visiting with his DD, so make him visit. They can play with her toys in her room or playroom or go outside. He doesn't have to spend his entire visit at your house, either. He could take her to the park, the zoo or a museum, to a movie or other show and/or out to lunch and/or dinner. You are the grown-ups, act like it for your DD's sake, and take control of the situation instead of just complaining about it or acting all radical like an over-grown teenager.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 1:44 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • ria7, if he wants to be a dad then he needs to provide a secure place in which to do it. I provide for her everyday, why can't he do it for a few hours. I sugested a visitation center (it's a place for parents and children to visit together in a safe place.Some go there because of court ordered supervised visits, others go there because they r in this kinda situation. It cost $25 a day and they can bring lunch or buy to for $5 each) The reason he wants to do it at my house is because he doesnt want to spend the money to go there OR take her out somewhere to spend time with her if it costs money. He even got mad because I informed him that IF this happens, I am not severing him lunch nor is he spending the night at my home ( he asked because it is such a far drive, sorry I am not a hotel) I would also like to say, we live in a 2 bed appt so there is nowhere for him to sleep anyway.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 11:34 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • the courts wont order him to have visitation at your house. They can order that he have visitation at a mutual agreed place, or that he just pick up the child for a few hours and then return him back to you.
    he is just saying things to piss you off. also one other thing I asked someone and they said that your ex can talk to his CO (i think thats what its called cant remember) and they may make an exception for him to have the child their as long as he isnt on duty during the visitation. The military doesnt make it impossible for them to be parents
    tricia1332

    Answer by tricia1332 at 12:19 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

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