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10 Bumps

Had to tell a male family member to stop tickling my daughter, am I the weirdo?

I think my 8 year old daughter is too old to be tickled and picked up by a male relative. She doesn't like it either. I told him to stop it and that we tell her that her chest is a private area. Now everyone acts like I accused him of something. I didn't but I do feel uncomfortable with him around my kids. Everyone else thinks he's such a nice guy. I think he watches me to see if I accept his games with the kids and he seems to end up in another room with them. I'm always thinking where did they go and go in there. A lot of times he stops when I walk in or give him a look. We have this tenseness and no one else has noticed. Now I'm the weirdo.

 
123andme

Asked by 123andme at 12:07 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (21 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • It makes no difference either way if he did anything (or would do anything) wrong. You don't want him touching your daughter that way. Your rules. Your reasons. They can like it or lump it.

    With my husband being the ONLY exception, my daughter isn't allowed to be carried by any man, sit in any man's lap, or get tickled or touched in any way by any man. Well, I did allow her to sit in Santa's lap for a quick picture....but that's it. Am I a weirdo? Maybe. But those are my rules and that's that.
    tommy_mommy

    Answer by tommy_mommy at 12:22 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Yes i think you're weird. Why does everyone automatically assume all men are pervs if the tickle children? 8 Is not to old to be tickled. She is still a child. Now since she doesn't like he should respect your and her wishes and stop but don't automatically assume he's a perv just because he tickles children.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • i don't know. my daughter absolutely loves to be tickled. she is small though so i am not sure about when she is 8. if you get an uneasy feeling i would go with your instincts. but i just would just keep going into the room. is he tickling on the chest area or near her other private areas? just do what you are doing because you know best. good luck.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 12:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Good for you! keep at it! listen to that gut of yours.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:08 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • If she was the one who wanted it to stop then you should have had her say something. 'I don't like to be tickled please stop' If it was you then I think you made him feel bad and it does sound accusing if he did nothing wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I agree with the others about trusting your gut. The simple fact that she doesn't like it is enough of a reason to say something. He should not be in another room with the kids.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 12:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010


  • well, I don't know. It doesn't really sond like he did anything wrong per-say and you telling him to stop may have embarrassed him and made him feel bad, like you don't trust him. Is this an adult or a teen...do they have their own kids...? If DD wasn't comfortable with it *I* would have said that DD had asked me to ask him to not play tickle games because she didn't like them anymore.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 12:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I think you were ABSOLUTELY right to say something. I was sexually abused as a child - a lot of it was behind closed doors, but there were also a lot of times that it was done right in front of everyone, a quick grope here, a squeeze there - all in the guise of "playing" and roughhousing and tickling - those times weren't "major", but, when combined with what else was going on, I knew exactly what they meant, and they often were a precursor for what went on later.

    That does NOT mean that every person who plays around and roughhouses with kids is an abuser. But, I do think that the ones who are not are the ones that are the least likely to be offended if someone says that their kid doesn't like to be tickled like that or played with like that, and that, since you're trying to teach them that they have control over their own bodies and their wishes with it will be respected, you would prefer if they find a new game to play.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:13 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I think there's always something to trusting your gut. You were right to tell him not to do it, simply because your daughter is not comfortable with it. The tenseness though may not be because he's guilty of trying to get away with something, but because he knows you think that of him and it's awkward now.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • No way you are not a weirdo! Trust your motherly instincts. They are real.
    Teach your daughter what is appropriate and what is not..what is safe and what is not and what to do in those situations..because it could save her one day.
    Momforhealth

    Answer by Momforhealth at 12:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

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